Feeling down

I just gobbled down 4,000 calories today. Olanzapinr makes me feel like my stomach is always empty. I feel ashamed of myself.

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I was anxious and depressed today. It sucks being down.

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I do it too, I don’t know why. It’s miserable being this fat. I want to be healthy but this need to eat my way into oblivion is greater somehow than my desire to be healthy. I guess we can blame the aps but at the end of the day we have to take responsibility and it sucks. It makes me really not happy with myself. In fact I hate myself. I’m stuck in hell. This disease, these meds and the food have me stuck in hell.

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Yeah we do, but I also feel we can’t hate eachothers for it. Commitment iss what erodes the rock. We got this, in my case I’ll just hit the gym tommorow. I hope you can find peace I know it is hard to lose weight.

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I just found out today that my new doctor will prescribe me amphetamines to help me lose weight once I get stable on my meds. So there is hope. But until then I feel like I’m victimizing myself every time I eat.

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I hav done this so many times. The best thing to do is not beat yourself up.

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I love to overeat especially with comfort foods. I’ve been feeling down lately. Feel like no one likes me and I don’t belong anywhere. I want to move into the country somewhere and just sleep and rest.

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