Today I was supposed to have a fun day with my dad. We went out antiquing and then got some sushi on the way home. As we were leaving the sushi place my dad got a text from my mom and two sisters who are spending the day in Brooklyn. The text said “Guess where we are?”, and had a picture of them standing outside of his favorite restaurant in the city. He was all jealous and started saying how he wished he could have been there too (making me feel bad that he had to spend the day with me instead).
To put this into context, one must realize last year for father’s day my sister took him and my younger sister to that restaurant, and didn’t invite me to come along. It was a dinner for “dad with his girls” minus myself. I felt very left out and unwanted. It very much stressed me out.
I feel that way now. I feel like crying but I’m trying not to. I’m talking to my friend and boyfriend and they’re helping a bit but I can’t help but feel like my family doesn’t want me around. I’m not invited to go to this restaurant with them two different times, and each time the person who is stuck “watching” me, or entertaining me, feels like crap because of it.
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I know that when I lived with my family the entire dynamic of our relationship was off. It was only after I moved out that we started getting close. I don’t know the details of your situation but know that things can get better over time.
I did not quite understand about this last sentence… ??
It also happens to my family. The “fight for parental love” between sister and his brother(that’s me). So for the most part I can understand your feelings.
I’m sorry to hear that Elizabeth… That sounds just plain lousy.
Have you told/asked your mom and sisters that this makes you feel not loved or not wanted, or not in some way valued?
My mom understands a bit. When my dad and sisters had that dinner in the city she was SO upset. She started to cry for me. She knew it hurt me being left out. She doesn’t understand on a day to day basis what I feel in terms of feeling exclusion or stigma from the family. My dad’s a bit immature and I wouldn’t want to worry him by telling him explicitly how much he hurt me today. He’s a gentle person, and I know he didn’t mean any harm, but it still hurt. My sisters and I barely have a relationship.
As I sit here in bed thinking about everything that’s going to be coming up within the next few days (school, work…) and the things that go along with them (finding a new schedule, meeting new people), I’m getting more and more anxious and upset.
My family lacks the understanding of what this stress does to me. Just the other day as I attempted to open up to my mom about my symptoms she belittled them and said she gets the same symptoms I get but just less severe. To a point perhaps that’s true, I don’t know her state of mental health, but I don’t think she remembers how bad I get when my symptoms come out in full force. The voices, the sounds, the paranoia, the delusions. These are all things I fear on a day to day basis are going to come back and consume me.
I wish I had therapy sooner, but my schedule wouldn’t allow for an appointment until the 14th or something like that. I see my PDoc Wednesday which will be good. She’s new, I go to a clinic associated with a teaching hospital, so we get the new residents in every year. I don’t mind that so much because an attending doctor who I know well always oversees the case. But the fact that she’s new makes me a little reluctant to go. Getting there and accepting the injection will be trouble this time, I think. I have a bad feeling about it. Like something is going to go wrong.
Did I take on too much, trying to work and go to school at the same time? Perhaps. This anxiety right now is making me second guess my life choices. I’ve done this semesters past, but as I’m coming to an end of my undergraduate career the more likely I am to mess up and end up dead or in a hospital or something.
I took some Klonopin, feeling a little less panicky and weepy. I’m still afraid of what’s going to happen next week, when I start school and work and have to fit in doctor’s appointments and such. What if something comes back to creep up and disrupt the flow of life?
Sorry to hear it, my family cares so little about me it’s rediculous so i know what you are going through.
All that i can say is if they don’t want to be your family or good to you then don’t be family or good to them, you can offer you hand but when they smack it away do the same to them.
If they need anything make sure to not give it to them, you have better things to do than help those that don’t care about you or help you.
What has happened is my mom has made it so that I am so dependent on her, that I can’t reflect back their resentment or dislike towards/of me. My parents support me financially, for the most part. I pay for my own food and gas, but school tuition, housing, phone, internet, insurance…they pay for those things. And if I ever talked back to them they would throw all of that in my face and I would be left with NOTHING.