So ive been feeling more depressed over the last couple months or so, after i started getting PTSD nightmares again. Those have subsised. Around that time i suddenly was overcame with anxiety abouty past, like having really random memories of my childhood, good and bad. Started obsesing over if im abusive too and looked for evidence in my message history. Started feeling like i had to analyze every thought and feeling to make sure i wasnt going to hurt anyone or had hurt anyone without knowing it. A week ago i had a ptsd trigger (some customer got really mad at another customer and took his phone and smashed it against the wall) and sinxe then ive been increasingly getting hallucinations such as seeing people in the corner of my eyes, hearing voices call my name or whisper indistinguishable words, hallucinated a car at one point. I cant tell if things are a hallucination sometimes or not and its feeding into my obsessing. Had a 3-4 day manic episode and my ocd got even worse. I spent literally 20 hrs straight doing compulsions almost the enitire time and hallucinating. Now my mood feels maybe baseline but ive been obsessing all morning. Just… ugh. No paranoia or delusions though.
I’m sorry to hear you struggling. Are you taking your meds as you should?
Do you have a PRN that you can take when symptoms flare up?
What do you do to handle your stress? Stress is a no no for us!
You might want to make an appointment to get a med adjustment before it gets worse.
I’m told I’m hallucinating and delusional all the time. Meds don’t help me much. Well, that’s not true. Meds make animals not talk to me or send me messages, and I’m no longer a prophetess and I don’t get visits from Satan. But I do get followed etc. so I know how hard it can be.
Is there anything you really enjoy doing that can get your mind off things?
I went off my meds a couple.months ago because of the horrible side effects i was getting. So i kindnof anticipated this might happen i was just hoping i had a misdiagnosis i guess. And no PRN. I hane strss mainly by distraction but sometimes i just cant get myself distracted for too long.
My therapist quit recently so i have to get a new pdoc. Though i do still have my meds at home, im considering starting them up again and making an appointment.
No! Don’t stop taking meds, especially if you went cold turkey.
I understand that you stopped taking them if you were experiencing side- effects. Which meds have you tried? Perhaps if you find something that is tolerable?
This sounds like a good idea. You need to get back on meds and also get a doctors appointment!
@Moon , good luck in your search!
I didnt go cold turkey, i tapered off over a period of 3 months. My dr wasnt entirely on board but helped me come off because i wanted to. Ive tried so many meds. They seem to work for a short while, then they dont, then wed increase the dose, and it just wouldnt help so wed switch, and the cycle would continue. But i honestly dont trust my memory of my symptom history. Ive been figuring out i remember things drastically different than what happened during episodes.
Zyprexa was the first or second med I tried. It worked but I started gaining weight and became lethargic, so I was determined finding something else. I tried several different ones but all came with nasty side- effects. Shakiness, muscle stiffness, deep depression and akathisia and so on. So I had no choice, I started taking zyprexa and I have been taking it for 10 years. 2 years ago doc put me on vraylar and the combination has been great. I feel more present, have positive thoughts, less depression etc. If I get better I’m going to quit zyprexa, and continue taking vraylar, probably for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry to hear the drugs wear off on you. Perhaps it’s the stress causing this. I can’t handle stress. That’s why I can’t work.
What side- effects were you experiencing? What meds have you tried?
Hang in there @Moon
I hope you can get a new pdoc sorted
Maybe they might have some new ideas
Don’t give up
Know it sucks when the meds cause problems but there’s options
See, maybe a new pdoc will be able to help better because my last pdoc didnt seem to want to add more than one medication despite me being sza and having frequent mood episodes while on antipsychotics, but also i was in a very emotionally abusive relationship most of the time sinxe i was diagnosed, so yeah maybe it just was the stress was too much. Im pretty stres free now besides my own brain. I am working between 12 and 18 hrs a week because my SSDI isnt enough to live off of and i was handling that pretty well until i was scheduled 4 days in a row, and now shes scheduling me that way frequently so i need to talk to her.
I was prediabetic, horrible negatives (havent gone away), high cholestrol, urinary problems, sexual dysfunction, and TD. Ive tried… so many i dont honestly know. I was on invega last, seroquel, saphris, riperdal, zyprexa, abilify… thats all i can remember.
Sounds like you need to talk to a new doc then. You weren’t receiving the right treatment. I hope you get a better treatment team this time.
Hang in there as @Joker said. You will get better! 
I would definitely seek out a new pdoc. My last one watched me descend into a full breakdown over 18 months…at the same time as she was slashing my med doses. Hey, ya think that’s related?
My psych nurse practitioner i started seeing on 12/29/21 has not only amended my sza diagnosis from depressive to bipolar type, but she has revamped my meds, based on that diagnosis as well as Genesight testing to aid her med prescribing. I am way better on therapeutic doses of the right meds - and i can tell you my mood stabilizer is every bit as important as my Invega.
It sounds like you need a stronger perspective. The right meds make a huge difference. I am still disabled, but, i am not chronically manic and bouncing off the walls looking for my assasins.
Well, at least you’re sticking to taking your medication. Things would probably be much worse if you weren’t.
Yeah, talk to her soon before she gets it set in her mind and assumes that you can work those hours anytime.
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