Experience today **trigger warning**

So I was laying in bed when I felt the demons again. And I was telling them to leave me alone, everything was going well blah blah but then a much DARKER energy showed up. I was trying to figure out what the heck was going on, it’s not me being horny, I have been horny before without having this feeling. It’s an OTHER. This horrible dark hungry presence. And it was insistently pushing its will on me.

I eventually gave in and I was so scared and confused during. I asked its name, I asked if it was human, I just didn’t get it. It said “you KNOW me” and I had this fleeting sense that I HAD known it but then the feeling was gone almost like someone had snuffed out a candle before it could burn down the house.

I couldn’t believe how much it wanted me. It’s OBSESSED. Obsessed. I wanted to leave and I said I had somewhere to be because I did and when was it going to let me go and it said “I could f*** you for HOURS. I could f*** you FOREVER” and I felt like dying. I wished I could just die right there. I feel disgusting just thinking about it. When I finally got away I was shaking and couldn’t stop. My little sister was teasing me because I guess at dinner I was staring off into space weirdly. But I was really badly shaken by it.

I don’t know how to explain how horrifying it is. It’s like if a rabbit met a starving wolf, and didn’t just feel it’s own fear of the wolf, but also FELT how BADLY the wolf wanted to eat it. And the rabbit gets attacked by the wolf and as it’s being eaten feels how excited the wolf is and feels that the wolf thinks how it can’t get enough, it will never be able to get enough, and the rabbit feels this as it’s suffering and dying and being eaten. I am very, very scared of that being.

summary: Was attacked very badly today by a very scary entity.

Do you have sexual fantasies in your mind that dont involve these?

None of my sexual fantasies involve them. Thinking of them shuts down everything. When I’m getting myself off and I start thinking about that stuff I go into an anxiety attack.

They attack me when I’m not even doing anything sexual at all, I’ll just be trying to take a nap or whatever.

I also have energies that touch me in this region and it feels gross and dark. It definitely lowers my sex drive. Being a chick must make it so much more intrusive.

This is hypothetical only and I’m not trying to play into delusions

This may be happening because of your sexual frustration. Even though you claim to not be sexually interested in people I think you are but these experiences are keeping you feeling confused and violated.

Why dont you just get up when this starts happening? Maybe part of you is longing so much for sexual intimacy and you feel like this is the only way you’ll get it and you give in.

Yes I think the same I’m probably not asexual but my tactile hallucinations just ruin it for me and make things confusing and stressful.

I try to leave when it happens but they don’t always let me. It’s extremely hard to get away.

And yes that is part of the issue with my addiction to them is that they’re the only “supplier”. But what they do to me is wrong and it messes me up. It’s not good for me. I want it to stop.

If you find a good person and want to experience the real thing, trust me all that nasty stuff isn’t gonna be part of it.

Dont pull on the darkness so much. Try to get out in the life you were given and have good clean real experiences not shrouded in darkness and shame.

It’s hard to do feeling so vulnerable but push for what you want in life and not be ashamed of it.

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Yeah that’s what I feel I have to do as well. My friend has been trying to set me up with a guy who seems nice.

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That night change your life.

Generally my entities like to grab at my feet, electrocute me, or massage my shoulders. However, I had one experience while laying in bed, and it felt like someone was laying next to me rubbing up and down my thigh with its hand.

You had tactile hallucinations. Does it bother you?

Yes and yes they disturb me most of the time and the previous antipsychotics that I was on didn’t seem to do anything for them. The foot grabbing was a constant thing too.

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