Don’t mind me, just venting

Unusual Beliefs
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Dreams of home last night. Stood on a beach of ash, watched as a black sun with a pulsing red ring roused to the south. The fog burned off quickly from the woods.

Dancing specks of light floated and skittered, drew me back west. Wisps, half conscious, it’s an odd thing when light takes on the character of an insect.

This world always feels so far away when I’m home, and when I’m in this world I long for home.

I’ve visited that place many times, it was given to me by a close friend and guardian.

I killed myself twice, overdose, heart stopped, brought back again and again. After some trials I was given a place to rest, maybe a realm to play in. A pleasant reward for crawling to hell and back. An eternal home while I wait for the next episode of adventures.

What do you say to a kid who believes they are divine? What happens when a grandson hears angels, and she believed him?

Saying I’m a madman makes it easier for them, I don’t know if they could handle it. I know its better to keep it a secret from the world.

“Wake up” again, they like to use that to trick me. Hurts the most when it comes from a spirit that claims to be my daughter. Nina.

What do you do when rest doesn’t refresh the soul? What do you do to that feeling of spirit that can help?

Ready for more. Can’t leave just yet. Maybe with good behavior I’ll get out sooner.

:llama:

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, these are very dangerous thoughts/delusions.

Please tell your psychiatrist what’s going on.

Keep fighting. You shouldn’t have to put up with these thoughts.

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You have, and I thank you for the insight.

Sometimes I can be stubborn about being able to handle it myself.

I’ll save this writing and show him, see what he has to say, I’m maxed on Zyprexa. Maybe I just need to bite and try clozapine.

Thank you again dude. Your words have weight

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I agree with @everhopeful,

You might need to consider a med change, homie.

These delusions could kill you.

You’re a smart guy, you know you should switch to something to get these thoughts under control.

I think you like them, just like I like my delusions.

It’s difficult.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

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Lovely prose though… :slight_smile:

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Yeah, i have to admit that the prose really got me. You are very talented.
Some of my (nocturnal) dreams look like your delusions (if it is not a dream?)
Especially:

But i guess it would be wise to talk to your pdoc.

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