Yeap, I suffered since too long… probably more than 20 years… I’ve isolated for quite long too, but I kept some friends… I have ill friends, they got better on their meds, or whatever it was… Me, not… we tried all the possible aps for ten years and even my ex pdoc said, that she cant help more…
Now I fight but maybe I have these damages from the isolation, my sickened body from the sedentary, the damages of the loneliness and maybe still just the illness…
I tend to think, that no one will love me for long like this 
my best friend who is ill too, said to me that she would have killed herself in my place… I struggle now even for life. But it’s hard to hear things like this…
I hope that I’ll become more positive one day… but I am not sure I like what the others see in me now… maybe this is my mistake still, still a sz… but it’s hard when you were alone for so long, with your hellish thoughts with no one by your side…its been too long too maybe, idk…
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Anna, It is def a struggle. I’m in the same situation as you as far as, I can’t take any meds that help with my paranoia and hallucinations. Akathasia and spastic movements was hard to handle. I too have friends who have Illness, and they seem to be doing well.I would check with your therapist to see if there is a support group locally , so you have support and others who understand what your going through. Continue to talk with everyone in this support group.Like some on here mentioned to me, see if they can try new meds or change the dosage. I’m going to mention that to my physciatrist. Sending you hugs.
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