I am afraid tbh, people… I keep saying that I was in isolation for 15 years but its true. Even my new doc said that I should start to go out but for me, every going out is still a fiasco. Does somebody here understands me? I dont feel better if I go out. I sometimes feel proud but my depression doesn’t get better, neither the negatives, neither the paranoia… Do you find that I count too much on meds?
I see my ill friends who start to go out on their meds soon or late, really. The meds help them, why not me I think now?.. do you believe that I can do it even after so much time spent at my house? I am 35 years old. I sometimes think that I have 2,3 years in front of me to get better and maybe after this to have something better in my life like work, more friends or why not family. But I am not sure that even 2 years will be enough to recover. And no, I still dont want to believe that ill never have friends or family or a job like my mother says… Ill never accept this. I even prefer to die with the illusion that I deserve a human life but not what I have now… I dont shout every day for a better life cause ive accepted my current state but I wish its just temporary.
Be honest, were the meds a help for you to start socialize and just get out?
hugs
You should stop comparing yourself to others. If they’re able to go out and have fun then good for them.
Yeah. I stop compare and I just stay at my house. what we can do? do the meds helped anybody to go out?
They didn’t help me to go out, if you want me to be honest.
and you, do you understand that it doesn’t get better for me when I go out? the longer I am outside, more I am afraid there and I dont feel fine!!! You are tough with me. always the efforts yeah… but theres nobody anymore who even calls me… yeah, you are all strong and you made efforts, yeah…Me I am the wickest here, the most jealous and in my opinion alone since too much time and its not my fault!!!
pfff, sorry. I should hope maybe that the meds will lift me up a bit one day.
I guess ever doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. is it was tough in the beginning when you started to go out?
I agree. It’s not your fault.
I was in tremendous pain as kid. I thought only about suicide since the age of 10. To the point that I became really dumb… and my parents didn’t notice anything cause I guess I lived in ■■■■■■ up family 
. I dont know the world at all ever!!!I was living on another planet… why I should pay so much efforts? I am tired of doing them that’s all.
do you really believe that going out will help me after so much time in isolation?
maybe its still a delusion but I feel very alone on my isolation. Idk how the others are doing it. I guess they didn’t get to my almost animal state now… I am fine at home but unhappy, that’s for sure… I had bad negatives, that’s why I wasn’t going out in the past. depression, envy, anger, its all bad for a social life… I even wonder if there is recovery from such state, I still dont know it wow… Cause the meds have their side effects, sometimes I float on them wow… like some kind of dope…
will everybody run away from me with my complaining? my mother states it wow. I am not so popular here lately, I guess I am boring now…
My old pdoc said that you shouldn’t go out for ‘going out’, but that you have to find some goals that involve going out and therefore you don’t care much about going out.
I think that here almost everyone has big problems with social anxiety and paranoia (the meds don’t work on these symptoms) but they have their goals and so sometimes they go out to the store, to the church, to the volunteer place, to the day treatment/clubhouse and try to do something…
I’ve felt many of the things you describe. Like sometimes, and I’m probably depressed when I feel this way, I feel there’s no point in trying to get friends, or a job or a girlfriend. I just don’t have what it takes. But I feel miserable about where I am in life so I’d rather not be around for failure at my goals or more of the same.Not that I’d ever hurt myself.
I don’t feel that way now but I have many times in the past month or two. It seems likely I will again.
Anna I guess all I can say is that it’s important to try. You can’t succeed without trying. IIRC you were working and going to school. You seem pretty fierce to me.
I wish you the best.
You cant imagine what i went through. Dont judge me @IndustrialLad, i am sensible too. Fierce? Why fierce? Do you imagine someone who lived between four walls for 15 years, depressed as hell? I forgot even talking!!! And you judge me!!! You are not fair!!!
Sorry if i misunderstood something here. I just dont know what fierce is but maybe i seem a bit mean. Tbh, i dont feel guilty about it anymore. I just try to get out of my closeness… i just hope that its depressive my unwill to go out and communicate.and its always good to hear that the meds helped somebodies negatives…
I am sorry @Anna1 , I can’t help you.
I am a very vulnerable individual myself.
Take your meds, chess no? Tbh, they all helped my friends. All. Even me but my problem is my isolation.
I don’t think meds helped me with that but I believe doing talk therapy can help with that. Touché! You said you have difficulty leaving which I totally get though personally I feel even if I can get out for one hour a week to hash things out with an impartial professional it seems to give me something to look forward to thus getting out. But everyone is very different so plz don’t setup an impossible standard for yourself.
I started going out even in full psychosis. I went to alive music bar and asked the singer for a song for satanists.
@ann
Anna fierce is something people say about women that have strength and fortitude. I’m sorry if I upset you. I should have taken into account that you are not from the U.S.
For example a woman that was in an abusive controlling relationship that gets out and educates herself and works her way up, someone might call her fierce.
Or a woman who survives cancer and thrives in the US we might call fierce.
Again, I’m sorry.
It’s fierce in the sense of being a fighter.
Like satanists that see him as a a symbol of knowledge? Actually I’m not aware that the satanists that were supposed to hurt people/animals were ever actually really a problem. They were more of a bogeyman.