I can’t really put it into words as of yet, but does the term RESET resonate at all? I had my first (major?) psychotic episode last year. Since then, I have had several smaller episodes that seem to come on in a cycle (not a bipolar cycle, more sideways than up and down I guess). Usually 2-3 weeks.
After I emerge, it feels like a RESET (only word I can use to describe) where I slowly start rebuilding for a few days.
Anyone else feel this?
I have been through that, eah time I had a manic state. Not when I had a psychosis though, not when I was completely delusional. After delusions I came back fully.
I have a SZ friend, however, who even had to learn how to eat and walk (in the crowd) after each episode. It was really hard for her…
If only we came with a RESET button huh? RESET!
My friend Jon who also has Sz has described to me experiencing what he felt was the total reset of his personality after which he felt he had to completely rebuild his personality. I attributed this to the feeling of coming out of a particularly deep psychosis…he attributed this to having been given a “lobotomy pill” while in the hospital…where he incidentally shared a room with Crazy Horse.
While I retain the hope that he can get better I have to admit that listening to his experience in life could be refreshingly hilarious at times.
I was hoping I was onto something here. It’s been a few days since I “came back” after a week or two of “losing myself”. The first couple of days when I can get thoughts together and actually get them out of my mouth, I noticed I talk with a clenched jaw type of thing.
Now I can talk fine, make jokes, understand stuff, even laugh and smile. 3rd or 4th time since my first(?) psychotic episode a year ago. Still haven’t completely recovered my personality and my public mask from that though.
I’m still trying to sort out what symptoms are what.
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Yeah , i would describe it as if a light bulb has gone off and I just realise what has been happening for the past while. and start again
Thats a fairly accurate description of what I’m talking about. @anon31257746
Any ideas as to why? Or if there is a name for it? I’d like to fill my doctor in, but it’s too hard to describe for me.
Hmm I’d just say when i come out of the episode I basically am thinking what the heck just happened and now it feels like I am back to square 1 and starting over again.
For me if I’ve come out of an episode I’m almost shocked at what I had been believing or doing during that time. Almost like my common sense has returned.
Then it takes a bit for my head to clear up and I feel quite spacey for a few days
Hope it’s not too personal, but may I ask your dx? And how long have you had these episodes?
(I’m bipolar, psychotic disorder nos, and only a year since it was bad enough to go to the doctor for it.)
Schizoaffective
I rarely get psychosis anymore,but still experience mood episodes
First episode lasted for a month with constant voices for another 6 months.
other episodes would be between a week or a month
Been about 3 years now
I describe it the exact same way actually. I would go into these trance states and snap out of it later feeling like I woke up from a dream. I would be so exhausted afterwards and had little bearing on what was going on around me. It was very unsettling.
@anon31257746 I never got the voices, but other than that, it sounds familiar.
@Djinn How long would the trance states and what was the “recovery” like if you don’t mind?
I’m glad I’m not the only one. Whew!
It would range from a couple of hours to a couple of days. When I snapped out of it, my body would feel heavy and it was hard to walk and speak. I would eventually fall asleep because I felt so weak afterward. Once I slept it was like it never happened.