I can’t really remember being psychotic. I know trying to cut a microchip out my armpit was stupid and to people who witnessed it I must of looked very unwell but to me I still can’t see that I was unwell back then? Dp you think its some self preservation thing that blocks out all the delusions and behaviour you’ve had back them that protects yourself?
People have said I have been clearly unwell but I can’t see it myself//
I can kind of remember. And problems I have had recently have reminded me.
I think I remember reading you said you were on a community treatment order or something. How is that going?
Yes but I don’t remember being well.
I have another assessment on the 8th of Aug to see if they are going to renew it. My pdoc will ask me if I will continue taking the depot if I’m off the CTO but my honest answer will be properly not, they will put me on another CTO for another year then.
I was on a CTO in Australia for two years in the past. I don’t think it is fun.
My CTO isn’t preventing me from doing anything. Just to continue to live in supported living and take the depot. I think without the CTO I wouldn’t take the medication.
I am still taking medication. Seroquel.
Are you on a depot?
No I stopped the depot over a year ago.
I want to be off my depot. Invega but because i have been noncompliant with oral meds in the past they won’t take me off it.
I remember every detail of my psychotic break. I was probably a little lucid because I got a shot of geodon before I really went off the rails.
I have probably been psychotic 8/9 times. I have been involuntarily hospitalised 11 times. The theme is grandiose delusions (going to India and washing myself in the Ganges to cleanse my soul to save the world) Paranoid delusions (microchips and conspiracies) I know that because I have to reality check sometimes but I don’t remember the steady progression into psychosis or the things I do such as neologisms or manic behaviour or thought disorder.
How long have you been on a CTO? I remember reading it was a long time.
Since 2011… continuously
I think the main indicator when I become unwell I get obsessive thinking.
I try not to go there. I can remember objectively about how sick I was but I try not to put myself in that place in my mind. Sometimes I try to remember acid trips or psychosis but I’m afraid of getting in that space in my current mind.
Unfortunately I remember my psychotic break 2 years ago.
It was horrific.
I can remember all the details of my psychotic behavior, going all the way back. I still consider myself unwell though. I have constant paranoia fueled by delusions, even if my haldol blocks most of my hallucinations.
Yes I have memories of jumping the fence at phychiatric ward to escape, and eating the walls underneath the wall paper cause I thought it was cocaine, and eating the mushrooms in the garden cus I thought they were hallucinogenic
I remember some of it but I figured out during my fourth hospitalization that I was blacked out for a lot of it. I was on autopilot.
My wife tells me so many stories I don’t remember but I have never hurt anyone but myself thankfully.