Went to the ER last night for bad thoughts… The nurse said it was very unusual that I could remember my past psychotic episodes. I remember a lot of the details but not everything. What is she talking about? Does anyone else remember anything from their psychotic episodes?
I remember them all, that nurse is wrong.
@NiceHat
What about names for voices, is it weird to NOT have names?
I don’t hear anything, I have delusions and word salad. But I remember, and it’s triggering to hear a word or see something I was having a delusion about once before. I wish I could forget some of them.
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I remember psychotic episodes, I still have scars in my wrist to remind how survived my suicide attempt, the life is great and worth living, I am glad to be alive.
One instance, out of many that I remember, was when a crowd of demons came all around me, almost like tar flowing across the floor and surrounding me. They were murmuring something all together and intended to take me to Satan… I hurried into my bedroom closet and curled-up in the corner crying. I thought of my family in the house and how they couldn’t hear me or help me. I told the demons to leave me alone. I felt desperate and that I must be guilty of something terrible. I heard voices telling me that I was abandoned, useless, a filthy sinner, alone, and that I should kill myself. I scratched at my arms and slammed my head into the back of the closet. Then I prayed and rebuked the demons… and they left.
I’m describing that night, out of many, because I remember many things better than I remember “real life”. If people ask me about different things that happened or were popular in the 1980’s, I don’t remember them. It’s as if I wasn’t there. My delusions, hallucinations etc were my reality.
That nurse is an idiot.
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Does not effect my memory.
I have some blackouts, for example once I parked my auto in one parking lot in Miami Beach and started sleeping in the auto, but then in the morning I woke up in a different place in the parking lot. I wondered how I did get there. Well, that was in 2000.
I remember every psychotic episode; then again, I also keep having residual symptoms so I’m always kinda psychotic.
I fully felt demons around me. I wouldn’t look people in the eyes when I talked to them because I thought they would inject a spell on me through their eyes. I recorded on paper my delusional period through out the entire seven months I was sick. self published it and it’s available on amazon but small sales. I can’t remember details like I did when I was fresh from out of it and could still “feel” the delusions as I talked about them but I didn’t believe them. It caused me to develop a panic disorder after a severe, severe panic attack. I was debilitated to my own apartment and wouldn’t leave the house. My mom helped me go back to the store and things like that so I didn’t think I would have panic where it’s familiar. rambling. I still am haunted by some of my past psychotic episodes…pictures of horror.
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Yes minus the d.I.d black outs those are all blanks…
Seriously, I know some folks who don’t remember. I remember, however.
I felt ashamed like I was a filthy sinner (just like the demons told me), and that’s why demons were attracted to me. I thought people would be scared or judge me if they looked into my eyes.
I feel sad when I think back. I still struggle believing it was all real. I still get demons after me. I still wonder why darkness is attracted to me and if I belong there… but I feel sad when I think maybe it’s not true because I missed so much of life…
@jukebox, do you wonder why God allowed this, and/or if it’s real spiritual warfare?
my grandfather’s spirit I believe lives in my closet. there is a darkness there and my grandfather was a really mean guy. It doesn’t bother me but sometimes at night I can sense his spirit on top of the ceiling. I hardly think about it anymore. the darkness spot in my living room in Tulsa felt the same as in my closet. If it’s not my grandfather I believe I might have opened a portal to the spirit world when I was ill because it dealt with a God and Satan type belief system where Jesus was coming back to save the remnant christians on the planet.
I remember bits and pieces.
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My memory of them is as good as my memory of other things.
So I’m not crazy then? Or… I really am crazy? lol… So there’s nothing wrong with the fact that I remember. That’s great 
There are some psychotic episodes I wish I didn’t remember.
Amen to that sister (brother?)
Brother … 15 15 15