I am conducting an experiment today. I am not going to talk with any member of my family unless they start the conversation. I want to find out how much I am being ignored.
I noticed today when I came downstairs after my father had got up, he didnt really want to talk. I opened with a lot of statements over half hour period. Stuff about my dreams, are documents video montages, science is just another business etc. He did not even say anything except for one about science. In all fairness, he was watching TV at the time, I might be being selfish by expecting people in my house to converse with me when I want. But meal times are the only times we even talk to each other. Even then, I think my father only talks to my brother. I’ve noticed that unless my bro is at the table, my father doesnt say much. My bro always reads on his phone during mealtime. My mother eats separately from us since she watches TV during mealtime. When I am upstairs, my bro does not come to my room unless he wants to use the weighing machine. I go numerous times to his room just to talk about stuff I am reading, thinking or see on the Net. He does respond somewhat but usually by grunting or nodding since he is usually staring at his screen while I am doing this. I dont go down much during the day but when I do, my folks are usually watching TV and don’t say anything. I have noticed my father and bro talking when he goes down. In all fairness, they are working on business ventures together so they have common ground to discuss.
I’m not blaming them really but I want to know if I’m just being paranoid…
I know my family doesn’t let me do chores around the house. Sometimes my mother asks for help laying stuff out on the clothes line. That’s about it. My father cooks, my mother cleans. I really appreciate that but am not able to give back even when I want to. They’re 70 years old and still taking care of me!
My parents start conversations with me all the time. I thought it would be a bit of a nightmare living with them but to be honest it has been ok and I cant complain. Maybe they are just less interested in a conversation than you are.
Ok, lunch was really weird. Nobody spoke a word until I said “Fish is a little salty”. Then my father said “Your mother mixed the masala, I just fried it”. He was staring at the TV across the room otherwise. My brother’s eyes didnt move from his phone as he spooned food into his mouth. I sat with my mother while eating fruit(grapes) for dessert. She didnt say anything either, just stared at the TV, until her meal was finished and then left. The strangest part was, after grapes was done, I headed up the stairs a little earlier than my bro. And when I reached the top, they ALL talked with each other for a few seconds. Weird coincidence?
I’m prolly just being paranoid. Lunch today shows pretty much that if I didnt say anything there would be no conversation in this house. They’re ignoring each other too, not just me.
Hey there, better not get paranoid with family. I dont know about cultural differences in this respect, but is it possible to just talk openly about things? Like when you want to do more in the house, tell them it gives you a good feeling to help. When you want more conversation, ask open questions?
I know i got real paranoid with my family in the past. Though some things quite obviously went wrong in our case, all families have issues, and i made the negative stuff too big. I dont know if that is the case for you of course.
Are there open and friendly ways to improve things?
No they don’t completely ignore me but there’s a growing distance between us. Part of it is due to the literal distance as we have moved farther away from each other. My lack of a job has played a part as my family members recently had get-togethers in two different places without me citing that it would be too expensive to have me along. It upset me greatly even though I had to agree it was true.Unfortunately soon afterwards I developed arthritis in my knees bad enough to make it impossible to travel long distances anyway so I only see them when they come here now.
Well, I’ve told them many times that I prefer to help and they just say no.
And I think I’m pretty free with questions. They have told me however that they will not discuss my schizophrenia with me. I don’t know why but I suspect thats what my doc told them to do.
I am not very good at initiating contact. I am very dependant on family members taking the first step .
My father emails and phones occasionally . I see him about once a year. My brother used to visit me every couple of months. Since I’ve been here he emails regularly but we have not seen each other. My sister very rarely emails, phones or sees me (not at all since I’ve been here).
My father and sister are on Facebook, but interaction between them and me is low.
I have much more contact with my youngest stepdaughter and her children.
Well actually I live at a group home. I am in my own room but I never really alone. I was in an low income apartment for almost 5 years before that which was difficult on me, and I worked while living with my Mom or parents for about 15 years previously. I’ve never been self-sufficient but I’ve done the other two separately.