Ever since I had issues with schizophrenia my older sister (three years older) has done everything possible to just flat out ignore me. We never had a normal relationships as young children before that but that seems to be the tipping point from bad to worse. It took me ages to get over it and accept that she didn’t want me as a sibling. Even though we were living in the same house
Then a couple of years ago when my brother (12 years younger) became a teenager he started ignoring me, and we had a couple of arguments about sharing the same space and after getting slightly psychical he severed all contact. Using my relationship with my older sister as an example about how I’m the problem to the family.
And more recently my Dad barely talks to me. Like a couple of words month a most. No “good morning” or anything. He comes home and says a big hello to the dogs and no one else. I know it infuriates my mum as well.
My psychiatrist and my mum both think Id be happier living somewhere without family and trying to look after my own needs without their ■■■■■■■■. But there’s no way I can afford to with out some kind of lottery or illegal activity.
About ten years ago we tried to have some family therapy but it just didnt work. My older sister refused to come, my younger sister (4 years) also declined, and my Dad and my Mum had polar opposite stances where my Dad claimed everything was fine and normal, and my Mum claimed that everything was terrible (neither of which I think are true).
I remember the councillors asked me in private what I thought was going on, and I just couldn’t figure out how to tell them what I thought, and I feel like they took as I wasn’t being honest/contributing because that was the last session we had with nothing really resolved.
I was also annoyed that they were perfectly fine with my older sister not wanting to come to the sessions. As if they are okay with her not being friendly with me, so I should be too and just accepting of it.
Overall I feel a lot like a scapegoat for other people’s problems. And that my needs are irrelevant. Sometimes it makes me feel like I ought not to exist and that I don’t belong with the living.