Sometimes I feel like I am a big fake… i never show who I really am to someone and that is why I have a job and was promoted. I act like a cold psychopath. When I hear voices I can block them and react as needed.
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Having a job and being promoted is a big accomplishment, and good job being able to deal with hearing voices.
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Yes, I am frustrated by not being myself. I was taught good manners - in other words, that I was not acceptable as is.
Yeah but I am always on the edge… I grew up hearing voices and having symptoms. I thought it was normal until I was put into the school psychologist for my behavior. My parents to this day will say nothing is wrong with me.
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There’s nothing immoral about bein sz or sza. One thing I learned that’s a good rule for both interpersonal relationships and life in general is to be fair to others and also to be fair to yourself too. Being a little flat emotionally is a common symptom but it doesn’t really mean your “cold” or don’t care. You’re dealing with something serious that most people don’t and maybe couldn’t dream of. You aren’t being fair to yourself if you expect yourself to be the mirror image of people who aren’t sick.
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Since I was young I always saw and heard scary things… I couldn’t tell you why… I felt like I was somehow special
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I somehow moved abroad and made it to the top of a company even tho I had many breakthroughs and I am sure people saw I was insane
I feel like people think I’m fake.
But I know my experiences are real so it sucks
It’s nights like tonight where I sit and the voices tell me I won’t succeed and I will fail that bring me back to where I started… I lived my whole life telling the voices they were wrong
Yup I’m totally fake. The only other option is to be sedated…
So i just pretend everything is ok.
Sometimes I will zone out hard at home listening to them… my wife will ask me what’s wrong and I snap out and say it’s just nothing
My abusive talking childhood imaginary friends
Maybe they could guess you had a mental illness, maybe not. I don’t know. I think in general people would rather not know.
My boss calls me “eccentric”
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It’s much better than the alternative. Although I wish there was more acceptance.
I think abusive voices are the average for people with sz and sza although it’s apparently not like that for all of us. My voices say things so terrible it was just about a month ago that I first admitted it to a therapist. They’ve been saying it for over 10 years.
I just kind of habitually humor people. It keeps them at a proper distance. I do get lonely at times, but I still crave solitude - too much. The times in my life when I have been the weirdest were right after a prolonged period of near total isolation.
If it’s a toss-up between being fake by biding my illness or revealing it to people and having them use it against me, I choose fake. I can be myself with my family and doctors and therapists and that’s enough to justify hiding it. And that’s all who need to know.
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One of my bosses called me eccentric too.
I’m not sure about a ‘fake’ but I do wonder whether I’m a dysfunctional jerk who should just pull himself together. As for being eccentric-possibly.