I feel like ■■■■ today. Been on a waiting list for 6 months. Have had suicidal tendencies lately. Don’t think I’ll ever work again I am the black sheep of my family. My paranoia sucks. My life sucks. No one likes my music. Everything sucks. I hate everyone. Comedy sucks. Society just will not conform to me. I may as well just end it now.
!
What’s stopping you from heading straight to the ER?
I really don’t want to end up in another stabilization unit. I am not in that bad of shape today and am working on things with many different coping mechanisms. My thread was true, yet an exaggerated and sarcastic response to the Caption Contest Derailment. It’s not funny. But I’m sure many see the point.
Sending some good vibes your way. Take care, man.
Pixel.
1 Like
Sorry y’all. I am a VERY passionate person.
Now off to a SOLID 2hr meditation sesh.
1 Like
Ok, I feel better. Let me explain my situation a little better because I am improving daily and there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Though I am very symptomatic, and do need meds, I’m not at the ER point. I do recognize when I am.
Yesterday there was a death in the family of a beautiful 4 yr old child. Unfortunately, many in the family have let this further divide instead of coming together in time of grief. This is a unfortunate constant within my family and needs to end. Hence my emotional outburst. I’m not one to share my personal life publicly but do not want to be considered as a wildcard here. I value these forums and everyone in them.
3 Likes
@animalchin Sorry for your loss. I hope your family gets its issues worked out and you feel better soon. 
2 Likes
That is probably the most awful thing I could imagine happening to someone. I am very sorry, and you can post whatever you need to if it makes you feel better at all. Glad you’re not at the ER point, and able to keep perspective. Feel free to PM me if you want. I have only recently come out of my ball of grief in the past couple years, and it took a long time before I ever felt like smiling again.
1 Like
Sorry for your troubles and sorry for the loss in your family. But at the risk of being selfish, I will say this post and many others like it by different people actually help me. Because I have seen so many times where people post that their lives suck and everything is hopeless only to see a few minutes or a day or two later that they are doing fine. Or at least better.
There’s a lesson to be learned from posts like this. Things change and often are not as bad as they look or sound and things get better no matter how bad your life is. It helped me because I’m going through some rough times, but I read your post and I thought, “Yeah, my life is bad too, why even try?” But I read further and I kick myself and I think," Why do I let myself get into the frame of mind of so much negativity when I see again and again how life seems hopeless but it really isn’t"?
Most troubles are temporary and circumstances can change in a heartbeat. I’m not going to count myself or any of you out. Life changes, sometimes even for the better.
3 Likes
i hope you are feeling better.
take care 
1 Like
Thanks everyone for the support and understanding. We are still waiting on autopsy results so I really don’t want to discuss that much further right now.
The logistics of my current situation are staggering.
Compounding family problems aren’t helping.
Thanks man. Some things you can change, some things you can’t. The key is knowing the difference.
My misdirected emotions led me to think deeply about the true cause of my frustrations. Ended up on an epic bike adventure. Rode through the local University and did some writing under a tree. Even did some innocent flirting with some brilliant young women. Very therapeutic.
I am not a victim. I am the effect of a cause. I realize that until I can properly treat the root of that cause I’ll continue down this road between neutral and first gear.
It’s amazing after 25 years of this ■■■■ how fast I can “forget” everything I’ve learned about myself and all the ■■■■ I’ve been through just to have it creep up on me again without recognizing it. I suppose that’s why I’m here though.
I grant full permission to call me out if you see me slipping. You know I’ll do the same. I may disagree but I’m usually up for discussion.
Once again, thanks for the support and sorry for the negativity.
1 Like
You make good sense on your view on life, very articulate in being human, you write songs/play music?
Hope you are doing the best you are able, sorry for your loss, it hurts when they are so young.