Depression is hitting hard and the PTSD is hitting even harder.
I talked to my therapist. She gave me some things to do about it. I usually feel better when I have something to do, but I still feel gross and sad now.
I want this feeling to go away so I can clean my apartment and shower. So I can be a good partner. So I can have clean clothes. But I have no energy. No will. If I wasn’t so tied up in other people’s lives, I would kill myself. But I can’t do that to my loved ones. I’m stuck.
Sorry that you’re suffering. It’s only temporary I hope.
I tried to kill myself twice, ended up in the emergency and the second time I was diagnosed with psychosis the same day. A car brought me from the emergency to mental hospital. I had liver failure and they fixed it with an antidote to the Tylenol I overdosed on, a whole bottle.
I stopped trying to kill myself as it made my parents cry everytime 
F#$K man. This story is sooooo similar to mine. From the Tylenol to the antidote treatment to the ambulance ride to inpatient to the crying parents. Even the fact that you stopped trying because it makes others upset… that hits home.
I’m sorry man. I’m glad you’re still here. Truly.
Thanks @bittercat
sorry to hear you feeling like this =(
I hope you feel a bit better soon…
Sorry to hear, i don’t have a partner or PTSD, but i feel a big despair and just waiting for life to begin again after my seizure last week.
Hope we both feel better next week
I hope things get better for you, I hate it when I’m stuck in despair. It’s an awful place to be and it feels like I won’t escape , but sometimes I have to just pretend everything gets better and then, sure enough even if things don’t improve, I do improve.
Sending you my best wishes
I think it will be. I was doing well for a little while there. I just need to tackle some trauma I’m holding onto… well not “just” but I think it will help once I drag myself through processing it.
Thank you. You’re very kind.
Despair is such a hard feeling to cope with. I’ve never had seizures but I imagine they are scary because god do they sound scary. I hope you’re physically doing alright now. Despair is hard. I’m also hoping we are feeling good again soon. Thank you.
Thank you Malik. I really appreciate your empathy. I needed it. Lots of times the despair makes me feel alone.
Faking it though. That’s exactly what I do. It’s a good trick. Prior to this slump I was doing well faking it, so much so that I was actually not faking anymore. Just doing well. But then another bout of unexpected nightmares popped up and caused me to think about things for a second too long and it all came crashing down:/ I wish I had more control over my dreams. They often haunt me.
Soon enough I think I will feel okay again. For once I actually feel the love from people who have been loving me all along. That helps to keep me here. It’s just hard battling old demons ya know.
Sometimes doing things like laundry, cleaning, etc. even when you don’t feel like it helps. Try just plunging in and doing things instead of waiting to get out of despair. But I agree, trauma can be debilitating, I also am dealing with multiple traumas exacerbated by the fact that many of them have to do with my abusive mom on whom I still depend for survival.
That’s a very complicated situation. It’s SO SO hard when the cause of your trauma is family. Especially family you have to depend on. I’m sorry, I hope you are recovering from your past.
I’m finally doing laundry now. Just one load since I need a clean uniform for work. But I decided to put in all my work shirts, all of my underwear and all of my favorite lounge shirts in so I can at least feel clean for the week. Gunna shower before I head off too. I hope it helps.
hope the shower makes you feel better =)
what job do you do?
Thank you. I work in computer repair.
I hear you. It’s not nice. Nightmares, whatever kind, they aren’t fair on us, and they take a big toll.
You will get up, in fact you already are. You matter more than everyone in the world and you have to believe that, these nightmares are just a means of your body trying to make sense of things - you will pick up.
Keep the fighting spirit in you because you’re worth it.
That’s wonderful! Have a good day at work. I really admire that you have a partner, a job, and you keep up with home responsibilities. That is something to be very proud of.
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