I have heard some strange things lately as my room has thin walls or appear to. I found out yesterday that a resident here I thought was dying was possibly OK and what I heard about him was either an overreaction from staff, or a hallucination in its own right. Even after I started taking meds that basically got “rid of the voices outside my head” I’ve hallucinated occasionally that way on occasion just as badly as I did when the illness was 24/7 and its been a terrible thing. The worst ones were hallucinations in restaurants where I thought people were talking about me just to find out either they were talking about someone else or were not even present. Most of the time the meds allow me to hear what is real enough but when I am particularly stressed I still hear delusional things.
I’ve just about determined that it’s not worth going to the Psych Ward over because I’ve tried every med from A-Z and Invega simply works as well as any can. But I put a list of some of the things I’ve heard lately to my counselor along with the worst results of some of my most sleepless nights just to see if he strongly disagrees. I also want to find out if maybe some of my “delusions” are real.
The visit by my family was a stressor as I had to keep my hygiene up day after day which is harder now, and go out in public often weighing nearly 350 pounds with clothes that didn’t always quite fit. It’s more difficult to be out in public for long periods of time and I feel I’m a bit of an embarrassment to my family. There was also a letdown when they left. Another stressor is that my phone is breaking down and I can’t get text messages any more. I felt down yesterday as well when I found out that only one piece of mail from my twin’s family came as my nieces there are too old to want to send thank-you cards for the first time. But the day ended with a good note with the announcement that another great niece or nephew was expected in the near future. Finally there’s something to be happy about.