Hi everyone, I feel pretty sane: don’t hear voices, feel no anger and my depression subsided to a mild one. But I think I have traumatized someone or got traumatized as a child. Why? Because I got heavily bullied at school for no apparent reason (besides my finger hair) so this is my theory, please tell me if this sounds true and if I should do something:
When I was a child I was somehow becoming sexual not according to my age - just from being 6 year old I started rubbing my genitals to the point it was consistently chafed even erections. I remember I was frantic and I couldn’t speak much (started speaking really late). I was raped by my father and I also raped as a child another neighbours girl that I had to change schools and move to the countryside. I stopped talking, got social anxiety. My father died mysteriously somehow and after that I started having a better but stable life
I also had loose bowels, often my underwear was full of fecies because I liked rubbing my anus. Now once in a while I get my pain in the backdoor. No I don’t feel delusional, but I feel really shaky writing this. I felt I needed to say this anonymously. When I was on my father’s laps I always felt that he started shaking his leg and getting an erection. I’ve come to this conclusion that either I have serious PTSD or my schizophrenia is caused by my childhood trauma
I’m so sorry. It is hard to have memories and not know if they are real. Let me be the first to say, if all of that is true, none of it is your fault. A 6 year old is not capable of understanding right and wrong, and a sexually abused child will frequently act out their experiences with other children. It is sad, but a very common reaction to abuse.
Acting out sexually, inappropriate masturbation, delayed speech, and incontinence are all very common in survivors of child sexual abuse.
I’m sorry you may have gone through that. I was sexually abused and it really messed me up. I’m working through a ptsd workbook with my counselor. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
My cousin sexually abused one of my brothers.
My brother is now 29 y.o. and is still scared of going to the bathroom. He keeps the door fully open when he goes to the bathroom. Sometimes he walks nude in the house. My parents referred him to a psychologist but he refused.
I think a psychologist can help you.
I tried to protect my brother from my older cousin but he beat me up. My brother was 7 y.o. and I was 8, my cousin was 14.
What should I do? I’m all trembling. I also have difficulty urinating because of an anxiety. I can suspect either I don’t have schizophrenia because doctors masked my diagnosis with it or my schizophrenia is caused by this trauma.
Did you try seeing a psychologist?
My sexually abused brother was sent to a psychologist by our family dr.
This is the first time that I am able to remember this and not feel delusional
If you can’t get a psychologist directly ask your psychiatrist or dr to refer you to one.
I don’t think sz is caused by trauma alone. Its mostly genetic and the trauma just worsen it.
You will still need your sz meds if you get your trauma treated by a psychologist.
Because I don’t have much of schizophrenia symptoms all those hallucinations I had were caused by my lack of sleep because PTSD comes back and messes me up
Yes I will continue using them
PTSD and psychosis have a lot of symptoms in common. You should speak with your pdoc about these thoughts. I was sexually abused as a child, and I think it contributed to my schizophrenia. But there is no question I definitely have schizophrenia. An MRI confirmed I have the loss of grey matter that is typical in schizophrenia patients.
Yea my psy teacher also showed us grey matter loss in the parietal lobes of sz. Parietal lobe loss causes hallucinations, its where our senses are processed. Were your grey matter loss in the parietal lobe or you don’t know where? In severe sz the grey matter loss is all over the brain and causes negative symptoms by degrading the frontal lobes.
My report just said “greater than average grey matter loss for the patient’s age”
That sounds terrible I’m sorry to hear you went through that
I talked with my mom about this episode. I just went delusional that has never happened on AP medication. I just did this construct delusion and talked with my mom and she agreed I’ve just had an episode and asked if I need to be hospitalized immediately. She said that it’s bad but not as bad as I would need a psych ward. This thing scared me a lot, I took 2mg of xanax and took “cocoa” drink from my mother that she probably put extra risperidone in it and I feel better but drowsy
My parents too used to grind my meds and put them in my food and drinks because I was refusing my meds. I got mad at them when I knew it.