When I was actively psychotic I had tactile hallucinations that were reminiscent of molestation/rape and became extremely paranoid that I had been abused as a child and these were flashbacks. Even when I was no longer psychotic I believed this must be true for a long time because I never had my symptoms properly explained to me they just gave me medication and told me that I didn’t have to worry about things that weren’t real if I ever tried to bring any of my past delusions up.
Now years later I’m starting to properly recover and I think it would be helpful to talk about it to a therapist but I’m really scared they will think I was actually raped or something even though I know I definitely wasn’t (I never had any proper memories just sensations, the details about what I was worried had happened changed frequently because they had no basis in reality). Has anyone talked about this kind of thing to a therapist and was it ok?
I posted about some sexual abuse I went through when I was a kid. In my case that was before I was diagnosed, and I knew about it when I was a teenager. It was suggested I talk to my therapist about it, but I haven’t as of now. I not sure if I can.
I had sexual hallucinations just a rare few times. I think it’s a good idea to talk to your therapist about it. It will make you feel better to open up to someone who may be able to provide some form of support for those experiences.
I had this kind of fear myself, thinking the screams I hallucinated were flashbacks. I’m pretty sure they weren’t. There are other things, however; see below.
How can you be sure? It is not unusual to repress (or dissociate) memories of traumatic experiences.
I have DID/MPD (dissociative identity disorder / multiple personality disorder), which more or less proves that things have happened to me that made me resort to dissociation in order to cope with them.
I suppose its impossible to be 100% sure due to the existence of repressed memories etc. It would be more accurate to say that I’m about as sure as someone can be that I didn’t experience any of this stuff for real. As far as I can tell I don’t have any symptoms or conditions that would imply something must have happened like you have with DID
My case is different. You may or may not gain something from this message of mine. Anyway…
I have traumatic memories from “past lives”. When I first “saw” these flashbacks I cried uncontrollably for half an hour. Later I tried to validate these “memories”: match maps, fauna, geography and culture of people of the time and approximate place. Ultimately I concluded that it makes sense and even if it wasn’t real I guessed and extrapolated so well that it will fit fictional historical tragedy plot.
More importantly, I talked about it a lot with my biological mother over the years. She isn’t really sane, but was supportive enough, as to be expected. It didn’t help. I am as bitter about the imagined events as can be. Therapist will not solve your problem for you. You must find reason on your own.