This lets me know... I'm not there yet

I’m trying very hard to let it go. I am working on trying to grow up and let go and get over stuff. But then I find myself acting like an angry little kid and floating out of my body and not acting right and then feeling upset about how stuff played out that I loose sleep. This is really eating me up.

A few months ago my sis was dating young man from my Sz group. While she was really falling for him, he was cheating on her. My sis took the cheating part Ok; and extended the hand of basic friendship to this tomcat.

He told her he didn’t have time for virgins and since she doesn’t put out, she wasn’t worth his time. He doesn’t want or need her friendship." Then she cried, moped and went through 3 batches of sticky popcorn.

So the tomcat is young, Eddie Vedder looking, rampant, indulging with any stranger he can grab and likes his reputation as a man whore I guess. (sorry for the vulgar on that one) He works to perpetuate this reputation. I don’t know WHAT happened, but guess who came knocking on our door. :angry:

I WANTED my sis to kick him a good one and slam the door in his face. But she didn’t do that. She did understand that this rampant tomcat is NOT welcome in our home so she went outside to talk to him. I don’t want this tomcat around. She’s says she’s NOT going to date him, but she re-extended the offer of friendship. :rage:

I didn’t react to that very well. She says she thinks he’s going through a manic phase.

The symptoms she says she notices is that he talks fast, goes from happy to irritated quickly, has done a lot of impulsive things like quit his job and sold some of his guitars to start betting on the horse races. She also said that she read some where that impulsive sexual indiscretions as well as impulsive and lavish money spending is a red flag.

I have to admit, the entire Sz group has noticed he’s been really bragging up his demi-god status. He has the highest I.Q. and is the best, most good looking, superior man on the planet according to him. I just want him to go far away. I can’t be like my sis and extend the hand of friendship.

I admire my sis for her forgive and forget abilities. It’s how we’re still friends. I do wish I had that quality. But I also don’t want my sis to try and “Save” another person. But my sis being who she is always says… it doesn’t hurt to be a friend and just listen. This tomcat has already said he as no interest in friends. He just want’s sex with NO friendship. It’s the way he treats people… he talks about people with such contempt. When he talks there are Two groups of people in his world… the worthy and the losers. I’m glad I’m not worthy.

Why won’t my sis just kick this tomcat out of her life? This is why I know I’m not as open, patient and forgiving as I want to be… I’ve hardly slept, I’ve been pacing the apartment. I don’t trust this guy at all. I even had a dream about kidnappers. I hate to say it, but I’m angry that she’s being nice to this tomcat. Maybe it’s my paranoia, but I don’t see this ending well.


Sometimes love messes up people’s minds and they can not reason, he must be one of those macho types, there are many people like that, they are quite selfish, sometimes women are attracted to these characters.

He is completely macho. He also brags about how macho his is. As someone who is NOT macho in anyway I cringe a bit when he tries to tell my of all the people who are a notch on his belt.

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your sisters smart, i’m sure she wont do anything stupid with this guy, she knows what he has been saying and i doubt she’s just going to jump in bed with him,


He does sound manic.

Breathe… Unfortunately we can’t control everyone that our loved ones come in contact with. If we could then my son wouldn’t be seeing next door so often.

Trust your sister to keep it at friendship. If it doesn’t. Well be there for her but I think this one may be her decision to make.


I guess the part I just really don’t understand… with all his “normie” hate and definite lines of who is worthy and who isn’t…

He has no patience for “normies”… so why come to our place?

He has no patience for people who don’t put out. Why come to our place?

He has no patience for people who aren’t as smart or as beautiful as he is… why come to our place?

What has made him decide that my average, normal sis is worthy? How do I convince him that we mere mortals aren’t worthy and we would all live happily ever after if he went back to Olympus and hung with Zeus.

Maybe underneath all the ego and mania something in him realizes what a wonderful girl your sister is. Also all this ego may be to compensate for how he really feels about himself which may not be as awesome as he lets on. Could be his fake face. Personally I think if you have to prove how wonderful you are then you are telling a bigger story then you realize. Whatever the reason… I don’t know. Hopefully he will go back to Olympus soon :smile:


I don’t have much advice other than take a deep breath and to have faith in your sister, that she knows what she’s getting herself in for, do you think maybe you could discuss your situation (where you are at present with your thinking I.e kidnappers dream etc) with her so she knows how you’re interpreting this. I may understand how you feel more when anyone gets close to us I’m very skeptical of them don’t trust them whatsoever and if they hurt us in anyway I get furious, my mum sounds like your sister where she will try to forgive, I’m just not like that yet, I think with time you like anyone in our situation will learn to forgive in time but for years you’ve lived in a reality that’s persecutory so it will take time not to make connections with those memories.

Try to just go steady maybe your sister or you could write alternatives to what you’re thinking? I think what your feeling is a natural reaction just ramped up because of schiz. Try to calm the excessive thinking by either thinking alternatives and challenging or self soothing/grounding/mindfulness or even a combination. If you want some tips just ask I have some but not many.

Walk steady, take care,