A confession to make, my homosexuality


I think due to my weird functionality of my brain, I had many confusion problems about my sexual orientation since childhood, and the weird thing is what I have discovered after all that confusion is that I believe that I’m a boy and that I’m attracted to other boys, but the problem is that I’m a girl, and the type of boys that I’m attracted to are only gay boys, girly ones, I don’t see this getting me any where !!!

What do you think ?
do you have similar confusions ?


I had a gay friend that called women his groupies. Because they would cling to him. I know there is a lot of masculine women that like feminine women. But I guess you situation is different. But now I’m confused.


lol I’m confused too, but I’m not a masculine girl, I’m a girly girl, nothing gay about my physiology, It’s just in my head, some delusion, I’m not sure…I REALLY don’t know !!


I think gay is different with women than men. So I don’t know. In psychology your bisexual or gay if you master bate about the same sex. I never have about a man. So if that helps. But that is probably from a mans perspective.


i think sexual delusion is very common among us schizophrenics i even ask about it here on this thread - Sexuality content of voices

and here is where i learned about sexual delusions -

im also confused about my sexuality its my major concern about this illness its disabling and make me paranoid more


I’m bisexual. I realized and confessed to myself when I was 24. I even told my husband. He got a bit anxious. But I’ve chosen him among all ppl. He can relaxe.

I had a similar delusion as you before I ended up in hospital. I’m not a girly girl. More like a boyish girl. I’ve always been. Ppl didn’t see if I’m a girl or boy as a kid. Ppl still get confused from time to time.


I was wondering why does this guy have that girly avatar? I find you don’t have a very girlish style of writing.


looks like their even a science research about this topic -

Schizophrenic Brains Show Sex Pattern Reversal, Compared With General Population

It’s not always politically correct to say so, but there are a few minor differences between the brains of men and women. New research shows a novel reversal of these differences in the brains of schizophrenics. “In comparison to the general population, women’s brains seem masculine and men’s brains seem feminine,” said the researcher.


You can only confess to something that you’ve done wrong, most would say this is not a confession at all but merely a statement of fact.


Do you think it’s a possibility that you maybe are attracted to gay guys because deep down you know there is no real chance of a relationship. Kind of keeping you safe from getting hurt and all that stuff.

I have a father that is a nice guy but he is very distant to me emotionally and has been all my life. he’s not the fatherly type. To be honest the last twenty years i’ve only spoken to him a handful of times. But even as a child he wasn’t real caring towards us.

All my life i was attracted to older men and i truly do think that this is the reason. I’m in my normal phase right now. Where i’m striving to be normal. So i’m kind of trying not to be like this now.

It’s just a thought. otherwise i’m not sure. :slight_smile:


For many years i had a strong belief that i wanted to be female and have a sex change. In fact i had it so strong that the pdoc listed me at one time as having schizophrenia with disorder of gender identity . I used to tell my pdoc over and over about wanting a sex change… I imagined myself as being female with a man.
Over time that has faded and nowadays i accept that i’m just not a very macho/masculine man. The fact it has faded over time makes me wonder whether it was a delusional obsession/fixation with changing sex. Running alongside this was a belief that often surfaced that i had female parts inside of me.

Not quite on topic i guess but it’s to show that with severe mental illness there can be a confusion over one’s gender/sexual orientation that may or may not be part of a psychotic process.


I am NOT a macho guy. Never have been. I’m drawn towards women for conversation and friendship. I very well could be bi. I’ve never really had any chance to figure that out about myself. I don’t get upset about this. My parents have always been very supportive of any family member who has come out. So I know if I ever found myself in a relationship with a guy, my family would be supportive.

But considering it hasn’t happened yet, maybe I’m not bi. Oh well, my life journey isn’t over yet and I still have a lot to learn about myself.


Some terms you may find interesting to look up. I see these referenced a lot on the blog I’m on as a lot of people don’t feel like they fit into the stereotypical roles of male/female and are attracted to a wide range of people.

Genderqueer - is most commonly used to describe a person who feels that his/her gender identity does not fit into the socially constructed “norms”

Pansexual - or omnisexuality, is sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward people of all gender identities

There is another term that I can’t remember now but it goes beyond pansexual to being open to relationships with fae or supernatural.

In the end love yourself whether you are feeling male or female and when you find the right person it won’t matter.


This makes sense.

My kid sis has had her heart kicked around a lot these past two years. Now she’s been hanging out with the “young at hearts” who go to the Senior Center. It’s the movie “Harold and Maude” in reverse. There is this 67 year old artist/ glass blower guy who she has been really befriending. She goes out to lunch with him and is going to his art opening and I think she has a crush. He has grandkids that are older then she is. She was telling me that she wanted to introduce him to our parents because he is an artist and Dad is an art teacher…

I don’t see this meeting going well.


You must be kidding ! is there a girly style of writing ? I’m shocked, how do you tell such thing, tell me ?


Maybe that works with some people, I don’t think it has to do with my father, I always had this delusion or confusion, but I do wake up from it sometimes, I feel like I’m a guy when the delusion happens, and when I’m not into that delusion or confusion I simply feel the physiological me, a girl.



I don’t see the meeting going well either. I hope nothing comes of their friendship. If i were her parents i wouldn’t let her be to friendly with him!! even if it’s innocent and he is a nice guy.


I don’t have friends in my age. I’m 36, my best friend (woman) is 57, older than my mother. I have two male friends, 56 years old. Both are married so there is no romance involved. My oldest friend is 83 years old. It’s a neighbor lady. We have very much to talk about and we are very much alike.


Only bad part of it is that they will be gone way before me and I have to find new friends. Many ppl in my age are self occupied and has no life experience. At my work I’m one of few 30-40 yearold who has kids. Everyone my age is all about party and getting drunk in weekends. That life is nothing for me.