Schizophrenia.com

Christmas crisis-I'm in deep s***


#1

Nice time of year to have the worst crisis I’ve ever had. A week ago, I started up with the most dreaded nocebo effect. (Opposite of placebo) Ativan, Calms Forte, and other things weren’t working. They were actually working, but my mind was so jacked up with the games ans B/S and hallucinations galore that I could not actually experience their effects. It’s been just godawful. My life is at a standstill, I can’t function much. Made it to work, though. Working can help cut down on the B/S, it gives me something to focus on and people to talk to, and some semblance of reality. My mind really blew up this month because I hadda quit taking 5-htp due to intestinal problems. It’s back to wondering if I can make it to the grocery store, work, or even down the street for cigarettes since I’ve been chain-smoking. Can’t get any relief!

I just keep praying every day. Might call a prayer line- it’s anonymous. Coming up with a plan of action to beat the ■■■■■■■■. Intestines are blown up bad. Can’t get into a gastroenterologist until mid January. Gotta get that working better because malabsorption is affecting my mental health too. It’s been absolute chaos this month. Asked God for a huge miracle today.


#2

Do you have some family who can help you with groceries and other things so you can catch a break and make it to work? When I was going through a crisis, I would go to work as well just because it was something to cut through the hallucinations going on in the house.

Do you have nursing help lines who can maybe give you some advice on intestinal relief? If it’s painful, you might have to do something before January.


#3

I am sorry to hear that, it sounds like a crisis indeed. Stay strong and don’t lose hope for getting better. Whatever helps you keep your hope for the future up, go with it. I went through a similar shitstorm this summer when I tore a few muscles and my medication wasn’t really working well. My parents, whom I live with, supported me and I found the best thing for me was just resting and sleeping alot, playing video games and watching movies and tv shows for most of the day. Just keep crisis in perspective- they pass.

I also tried getting off of geodon and onto latuda in the early fall, and holy ■■■■, it was bad. I was more psychotic than ever and had terrible akathisia. I quickly went back on to geodon, a higher dose in fact, and also got on a beta-blocker and benzodiazapine. Now I am in remission. If you need someone to talk to, we’re here for you!


#4

try pro biotics, yakult from the supermarkets , even organic yoghurt will help line the stomach and give the gut good bacteria, the good stuff .
this just might help to sooth the intestines and get rid of or bring down the swelling .
as for the mind , i have been in psychosis most of the year so know how you feel, be brave, keep going.
take care


#5

Firstly, I want to express my appreciation for the support and understanding that I’ve suffered without for 4 years.
God did give me a miracle. I drove 40 miles to get to my mother’s house for Christmas. I enjoyed Christmas very much. I requested that my mother give me safe harbour for the night. But as soon as my mum and stepfather retired, it was back to the drama. My mind was scaring the ■■■■ out of me. Stepdad was sitting next to me watching the telly. Sentences were coming out of my head that I didn’t understand why. I abused myself with a shitload of alcohol-the only guaranteed tranquiliser I had left. More midnight drama, more alcohol.

I made it through. God and alcohol got me through the drive home. Making some progress on nocebos. I found out what caused it- my ancient self-hatred that runs deep into early childhood. Nonstop self-talk and voices for days as I try to reason with myself. I beat myself up, punish myself for things that aren’t truly my fault. I was inadvertently torturing myself for no good reason. I have a friend nearby with a vehicle. I have money.

Deep-seated family issues need to be resolved! I am going to request that my family join together with a counselor or mediator to amicably air our collective grievances. It will be difficult-too much hypersensitivity and unreasonability in this family! I need to release myself from guilt and shame. I need to let my mother know that I felt alienated from her because of my mental illness, and tell her I’ve been suffering and felt I could not turn to her due to her ignorance. See the person, not the illness!

Next step is to look for an affordable psychologist, and get rid of all the hatred towards myself. I still catch myself being relentlessly tyrannical towards myself. The hatred that I wasn’t aware was trapped in my subconscious, torturing me via disabling tactile hallucinations since April of 2012.

It really does feel good to hear somebody say: I know exactly what you mean, or I experience this HELL too.
Thank you.
Muchas gracias.
Happy New Year! I got 2 bottles of cheap champagne to hopefully celebrate a brighter future.


#6

you need to talk to your psychiatrist ASAP. I have been where you are, and alcohol does work as a major tranquilizer (I could outdrink all my friends) but medication can fix this. Have faith in modern medicine, it saved me from living in hell and I am sure it can do the same for you. Things will get better if you take the right steps…I know how you feel, it feels like your brain has betrayed you. Get an emergency appointment with your psychiatrist, they keep early morning slots open for people like you and me.


#7

Wow, you have come up with some great ideas, I am inspired by your willingness to take this on. Good for you. It’s not going to be easy, but of course you know that. In the long run… getting rid of that guilt and beginning to like yourself, and forgive yourself… you will save your life and begin to have a better relationship with your family.

I am really happy for you. You have a plan, you have willing, you’ll make it.

When I was in the thick of my self hate, my voices were hateful. Now that I have made peace with some things in my life, my voices are easier to ignore and some of them are actually helpful.

I am really happy for your post. We’re here to encourage, and share ideas, please let us know how things are going with you. :thumbsup:


#8

Where do you live? Do you live near Washington DC?


#9

Midwestern US. I typically refrain from disclosing my specific location to avoid paranoia.


#10

I am pro-alternative, was off Invega from 10/06 to 12/28. The nocebos killed me, my regimen was working out perfect. I tried to drive somewhere, and I had a bad moment when I thought, this is it! My mind is gonna do something terrible to me! I turned on my hazard flashers, but I regained control. When I did thankfully get home, after turning into The God Channel, I felt defeated. So I am defeated, for now. Back on Invega, the D2 antagonism will take out the hallucinations, nocebo/placebo, and other games. Stuff got out of control. I give up. I’m depressed. I was glad to finally get on my exercise bike, wash my dishes, and make my bed after days of chain-smoking and drinking.

I figure, just take a break for a month. I’ve been through so much drama since March trying to withdraw. I hate antipsychotics, it takes away my drive, interest, inspiration, creativity, laughter, joy-all these things come from the same system as hallucinations etc. I am depressed, but I am on a mission to spread awareness of alternative treatments.

I will take the break, so I can drive and function, and it’s all about the work now. Only day one. Nocebo continues, but better than yesterday. Then, start skipping doses again and see how it goes. I won’t give up on my dream that I actually had in Oct and Nov with 5-htp-nocebo there too. Damn mind! Ooh! More prayers to God.

Hey, got a few chuckles and smiles on here today.


#11

Sorry, I knew I shouldn’t ask. I did because there’s some good family therapy stuff happening at Georgetown University. It’s non-confrontational.


#12

I dont mean to repeat myself like an annoying ■■■■■■■, but I think your medication has failed you. I have been where you are, it feels like you just want to sleep and wake up and nothing else matters. It feels like you just live another day after day. I think you need to have a completely honest talk with your psychiatrist. There are lots of medications out there, and theyre a click on your doc’s computer and a drive to the pharmacy away. You need to keep faith in modern medicine, it is a miracle. It takes trial and error to find the right dose and all of that, but it is possible for you to be treated and for these nightmares of days to fade to memories. I am in remission now and I was actually anti-psychiatry for a year into my illness, I just didnt like the idea of pills that effect my brain. Now, after about 6 months of trial and error with meds (some of it got ugly) I am in remission, which means as symptom-free as one could hope for.

It just sounds like my old self talking, resorting to alcohol and nicotine, having trouble taking care of business and feeling like you’re just ■■■■■■ for the meantime. If you’re religious, try to tell yourself that the medication is a miracle- it is! Don’t give up on trying all of the medications out there, they can and most likely WILL save you from living in what is very similar to hell.

I am a psych major and I know that there are some meds you havent tried, most likely Clozapine and Latuda. Latuda is very new, and Clozapine requires weekly blood tests (long story) but is proven to help even treatment-resistant cases. It is a last resort medication, as the white blood cell altering side effect that happens to about 1% of people taking it can be fatal, but it is very effective and it’s efficacy is outstanding among all antipsychotics.

I just see you in distress and I want you to have faith in psychiatry. I understand how frustrating it is to try meds and just get even more problems like side effects, but it will pay off to keep trying med after med. I was at a point where I got on the lowest dose of geodon I could and drank a few beers at night and was like “■■■■ it”. I had episodes and to make a long story short, I went back on Geodon, a higher dose, in fact twice as much, divided the dose into equal parts morning and night, and got on two other meds to counter the side effects, and boom, remission, so long schizophrenia.

I had given up, but I told myself that I was not going to live each day of my life in my own little hell of a world and that i wanted to live in the real world again. Modern medicine came through, but I had to be patient and do exactly as the doctors said, and told them everything I was experiencing.

sorry for a huge wall of text, but you sound like you are in the same place I was, and I made it out with help and faith.


#13

Oh, no. It didn’t fail me. It did what I needed it to do. But my expectations have been raised by a few manias and I feel like it takes away a part of me. It’s on me that I want more than just being ok, and I pursued it. This wouldn’t have happened if I had kept taking it. I wasn’t majorly depressed on it, just dissatisfied and bored. I consider Invega and Latuda the least of all evils.

I haven’t had a psychiatrist in over a year, I get my meds from an MD now. Got an arsenal of accumulated untaken meds. I’ll be alright. No reason to ever switch to another med at this point. I’m just fussy, chasin a dream. Caught it, lost it. But I have plenty of interests to pursue.