Children? To have or not to have them

I am still on the fence about having them… i have thought about adoption… to be honest, i am leaning towards not having them at all because i dont’ know if i can manage the stress of having a kid. mum is very adamant that my partner will want them even though he says he’s not sure… she thinks everyone wants kids… i am simply not going to have them for the sake of having them… its not fair on anyone and the kid.

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I think those are some very wise and worthwhile thoughts you’re having.

It’s important to factor in the stress it will cause you, and the financial burden it will be.
Sure, kids are great, but not everyone are meant to have them. Maybe later in life?

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I am approaching 35, and still don’t know… i can’t answer if i will want them in the future… but maybe my thoughts will change and if and when they do… i might look into adoption.

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I am a bit unsure. I want to go hiking in quite a few places, but that will cost a lot of money and there is no way of doing it if I have kids. On the other hand I would feel like I haven’t had a full life if I never have kids. Kind of wish I was in my current position 7 years ago but I suppose I can’t really have that.

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It’s not just about you @anon80629714
You are in a committed relationship.
Please consider your partner’s feelings on this matter as well.

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I know for some people it will sound very selfish, i also want to travel the world and i don’t know if i could do that with a kid…

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I know @Wave we have talked at lenghth on the subject even a few weeks after we met i made it clear to him i am not sure… i had to tell him because i went on a date with a guy before him and when i told him on the first date he said he wanted them and never saw me again. shame as he seemed like a nice guy. my partner isn’t sure himself and says he’s leaning towards not having them as well… but could change and when that does we will work through it together.

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I agree about the stress thing.
I think it would be so much stress that I just can’t handle. And I’ll worry about all the things that can go wrong. I also have a huge fear of my private parts ripping during pregnancy, my private parts getting bigger and casearrean surgery. All makes me feel like no. But just worrying for the kid too. I don’t like that because it’s not good for my mental health. What if they end up with a condition where I need to be a primary carer etc etc etc
It’s just too many things to worry about.

I’d love to bring up a kid in a sense if I didn’t worry about all this stuff.

Adoption is a no no for me too. I would want to be the one that carries the kid and looks after it. I don’t trust others to do a job of that the way I’d want to, or they just wouldn’t and I think that time period is a very important development phase in their life (obviously)

I’d love to have a kid come and visit me and be there for me when I’m older, grandkids etc but it’s just not worth it when considering everything imo, for myself.

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This is so weird @wave i actually found the topic when i went on that date in 2016:

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It has to feel right and you need to be 100% in what you want… and not what others think you should do… i understand if adoption isn’t for you… and i know where you are coming from… it is very different to having your own child in many ways.

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I love kids, i’m 51 and used to bring my nephews home from kindergarten and school, and to nurse them when my sister was delayed or had to much work.

I know how much it takes, and i’m aware i cant take care of kids full time.
I’m not sorry. But i miss the afternoons with my nephews.

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As a mom if many, let me just say kids are hard work. And a lot of it. It’s a life long commitment, unless you put your own child up for adoption or they are taken from you for some reason.

I think that people with sz or sza need to be higher functioning before having children. People with extreme delusions, those that are psychotic often, or have extreme anxiety need to not have children. Because that’s too much to put on a child and also on yourself.

I’ve been driven to psychosis by the stress of dealing g with children’s behaviors. But I have 6 children, o e that doesn’t live with me, but 5 kids at one time all acting up is brutal on the mind.

You have to be honest with yourself on how much stress you can deal with before having children. But, tbh, why are you worried about it with your boyfriend? I thought he didn’t want to live together or get married? That seems like a “no” on kids.

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We are definately going to be living together… but marriage he is not sure about. He did make it clear though, if we are going to have children we would need to be married. And in all honesty, i am not sure if i can handle the stress of having a child. I work part-time because otherwise i find myself barely able to function. Kids are not only full-time work they are a lifetime of work… 5 children? I really don’t know how you did it…

I couldn’t function with one child. I can’t conceive how anyone does it with five.

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I still don’t understand why someone would want children. Why? What’s their use?
You want to pass on your fabulous genes and traits?

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I’m also on the fence about having children. But I need to make my mind up soon cause I’m 36

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I honestly don’t know i don’t have that maternal instinct yet i guess. My mum was a childminder i was always glad they left at the end of the day… but everyone is different and have different reasons for wanting or having children and that is ok

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Me neither yet. I say “yet” cos I can’t be sure for the future

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Think about them inheriting schizophrenia… You down want that on your children

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If one parent is affected the risk is about 13% and if both are affected the risk is nearly 50%.

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