I’ve been going thru so much challenges with my mental health. Mindstorms like crazy. My marriage is on the rocks because of my sz and my selfishness. I’m quite worried. And I don’t want to have to visit pdoc again bcuz she will just push my meds dose up and it will cost twice as much and its already expensive. I almost thought I needed hospital today, the thought of it made me feel so scared I pushed my mind to be ok. I have been feeling numb, dead, blank, very slow to react to conversation, find it difficult to talk sometimes, just foggy in my mind, slow thoughts, empty head. And poor hubby gets so frustrated with me and then I get mad at myself and want to hurt myself. I almost cut today, but just ended up scratching my arm with my nails and smacking my head with my hands. Lay on the floor like a pathetic thing. Begged hubby for an apology, he was ok with me in the end. But each day lately for the last two weeks has been so challenging. I am so demotivated and want to vegetate at home with a book, whereas hubby wants to be out and about. Not usually a problem in a marriage - but in ours it is as hubby has epilepsy and I have to go out with him, he can’t drive unattended in case he has a seizure. Been trying so hard to be normal, but its hard and our marriage is under great strain. Hope things get better again!
I hope that things get better for you @Hadeda.
Hang in there
Perhaps get a re-assessment with another Doctor? Doesn’t sound like you’re doing very well. Starting from scratch might be the way to go.
It sounds like you’re going through a really rough patch. You have been through more difficult times and came through it. I hope you can get to see your psychiatrist and be able to afford the meds. Just hang in there. Things will soon be better again.
It is very difficult in a marriage when one has sz. I am sorry you are going through this @Hadeda. How long have you been married?
I’m sorry, @Hadeda 
️ Your husband has his own disability. You accommodate his needs, so he should accommodate yours. It’s so difficult, I know, but you deserve to have what you need as well. Get what help you need and don’t feel guilty. I know it’s hard. I’m a hypocrite in this because I do exactly the same as you, but we both need to stop feeling so bad. Your husband loves you, I’m sure, so communicate with him from a place of confidence. Things will get better. I wish you well 
For four years.
Thanks everyone for your kind replies 