Quite recently, not even 20 minutes ago I began getting angry from stress so I walked outside to ride my bike. While riding around, breathing deeply, I couldn’t think straight or know what I was doing fully. I came back and felt completely disengaged from my body, I put my bike back in its spot and slowly shuffled and stumbled around to get to the garage door. I thought it was a mile away.
I got out and stared into the woods for a while before returning into the house to get something to eat. Still unclear minded I wandered around the kitchen trying to gather the materials for a sandwich. I finally got my food done and ate part of it while staring out the window, then I started for the room I’m in right now. I got to the start of the hallway and couldn’t move any further. I ate my food the rest of the way and moved slightly more, leaning against the wall. I got midway and stopped again and stood in the middle of the hallway and began staring at the door as if someone was in my way. Still unclear minded I finally got inside and nothing felt right, getting back to my computer I started typing this. I’m still trying to get back to my body but its hard. Nothing seems right, I have no way of treatment and no one can tell that something went wrong. I can’t speak to tell anyone in person.
I finally got up and got a drink. Had to keep leaned up against stuff because my legs kept trying to buckle out from me. My sister assisted me a little too, I was able to get out just enough words to get there and back.
Since I am hyperflexible I was able to stand by bending my leg past the straight up position, basically locking my knee in place.
Upon getting out of my chair I instantly stumbled but caught myself on the bed. My mom is also angry with me because I accepted a friend request on Facebook of someone she doesn’t like. She has no concern for me nor does she even like me.
it sounds like you are going through some depersonalization disorder. I float out of body, I have trouble with coordination, I misjudge distance, I feel like I’m an outsider watching my body just mill aound.
It can be very upsetting and mine is all stress triggered. It takes me a while to get back into my body. Still not used to the feeling.
Its definitely a feeling that becomes difficult to get used to. It happens to me a lot but this time was way more severe for as I could hardly walk or anything.
Back when I was really suicidal sometimes my panic disorder would act in reverse, severely debilitating me from movement or walking. One time I had to crawl up my flight of stairs to my garage apartment. I hope you figure this out?
I dont know you, but identify with your description of your discomforts.
Incidentally, I'm better from that stuff these last many years, although now I have new health issues.
I'm taking the three paragraphs you wrote as a desciption of your discomforts.
I definitely have become angry and tried to help myself with physical activity.
I definitely have found myself confused at home and had a hard time negotiating the terrain with which I was otherwise familiar. I did not call it staying "in touch with reality" but I definitely have found myself unable to do the simplist things I used to be able to do.
I definitely have gotten twisted up wondering who had my best interests at heart and who didn't care for my well being.
I talked to my mother earlier, I’m luckily not losing my medical care when I turn 18, I’ll be able to save my cash up so I can leave this stressful environment.
Also due to my inability to eat when I need to due to stress and such I’ve decided to start going on a diet that includes more beef jerky since jerky is protein packed.
Its fine, once we get my medical insurance settled up I’m going to get one that I can talk to more than once. I’ll also start on my journal once again.
Due to the fact I need to avoid people reading my personal life (aside from the psych) I should probably make it lockable