I came from the supermarket and there’s this security guy there that I can’t stand just the look of him. Their suspicious outlook on things arouses my suspicious outlook too. I feel very uncomfortable.
And on my street there’s another one in a selling car company that just makes me want to come out of my yard and punch him in the face. He sometimes just stands there looking at my direction on my front yard.
I just feel like punching them all. I don’t trust them a bit. It’s everywhere like this and I can’t even lift my eyes to look at them directly because I start to stare and then I think that that might arouse suspicion on something I did - which I didn’t!
I get very uncomfortable/fearful around cops.
I am a law abiding citizen, never got arrested - I just have a lot of paranoia and anxiety when I see a police officer or cop car.
I am pretty sure its the illness talking or its the crap that I see on the news about them.
You are not the only one who feels this way - even “normal” people have a certain level of anxiety around cops - anyone that walks around with a gun and is given that much authority can be quite intimidating.
Security guards are in the same boat
It takes a certain type of person to want that type of power.
I’m not saying they are all bad but I don’t trust them either.
I’ve had some bad experiences over the years.
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I seem to attract them all. And unwanted attention. The more attention (normal) I want to divert (look) the more I get.
I’ve had unpleasant encounters with the “rent-a-cops”. I think some of them have the same mentality as abusive policemen.
I used to be a security guard when I was 19. I was the worlds worse security guard, lol. My job was to guard industrial complexes that were under construction on the graveyard shift. I was by myself on an acre of land with huge half-built buildings. I was terrified, lol. I sat in my car and patrolled the grounds. I couldn’t look everywhere at once so I just gave up and parked my car and crawled in the back seat and slept.
I was watching one place about ten miles from my home and I said, forget it, and drove home at 2:00 am. My dad heard me come in and I told him I quit and he made me go back.
I have no problems with cops because I do not do drugs anymore and I do not break any laws. If I am driving and I see a cop car I will drive more carefully but everybody does that and cops know that.
When I was doing drugs 25 years ago it was a different story. Back then, cops were to be feared and watched out for. I smoked crack almost every day which was a felony if I got caught so of course had to be scared of cops. I barely missed going to jail a few time but “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades”.
I did commit my offenses but never got caught. Maybe the suspicion is from there as well as the paranoia. But you seem quite stable.
I heard in a documentary that with age - 50/55 up - the “symptoms mellow out”. Can you attest to that?
Yes! I can very much attest to that! My symptoms started to ease when I was in my mid-forties and a few symptoms went away. If I didn’t screw with my own mind so much and didn’t fill my mind with bull-■■■■ I would actually be enjoying a great recovery. I spent 8 months in a locked psychiatric hospital when I was 21. I have not been hospitalized since 1990.
@77nick77 I don’t see my life getting better, although I’m still 33, but if things ease up that’s good. I never had hallucinations but suffer from high anxiety, social phobia, paranoia, anhedonia and avolition.
It would be perfect if it’d got better before I’m older. Like today.
My parents’ almost constant suspicious expressions aroused my own suspicious outlook. And I definitely felt “uncomfortable” (and resentful). I didn’t trust them a bit, either.
But when I went in for an overhaul in the early '00s, the mechanics removed the bad “distributor” I had and put in a modern, computerized fuel and ignition system. Now I can see, hear and feel that what others seem to be thinking about me is of no meaningful consequence unless they have baseball bats or guns. (And even then, who cares if they’re looking elsewhere?)
I get you. I didn’t trust my old psychiatrist. He had slight dodgy look and felt he wasn’t to be trusted.
I feel that towards some doctors to and nurses and psychologists. Anyone who claims is trying to help basically.
I feel not at ease walking the streets. Paranoid! Might as well smoke weed… And there was this security guy, kind of oldish and I just wanted to stare at him and I did. For some long seconds while I was walking.
Not proud of that but I am afraid of walking on the streets. I am the one always dodging passers by and that pisses me of. I feel that even a kid could hurt me bad. Sometimes I act like I’m provoking situations.