Im a recently diagnosed schizophrenic, i had a massive psychotic episode in the summer which led me to throwing myself infront of a moving car (im okay now). My dilemma is that i cant feel music anymore the way i used to. Im not sure if its because of the illness, or the anhedonia brought on by the illness or the meds or maybe both? Im just confused and beaten down from not being able to listen to and enjoy music that means so much to me. Its like when i listen to it, my brain cant register what im listening to, it sounds muffled and internally, i dont get the euphoria or excitement from the energies of different songs.Its like when you listen to a song you can feel “energy chakras” around your body? I dont feel that anymore. Also, For example, i used to get a certain feeling when listening to kendrick lamar, that feeling you get from rap music where you feel powerful and from the streets lol but now i dont feel it anymore. It just sounds like noise arranged together to me. Has anyone had issues like this before? im just terribly distraught with losing music as it is my life I’m scared that I’ll never return to that same state of euphoria I used to get when i find a good song.
don’t romance being ill man…maybe you used to have euphoria that’s gone…but you are also stable…I listen to music I used to be euphoric about and it still makes me happy…just keep listening to music in your now stable mind…
I hope you rediscover your original love of your music in time. I was not listening to music after psychosis very much for a year or two, maybe more. I found more enjoyment out of instrumental music as I didn’t find a voice over the music was useful or relatable. Now to be honest I listen to the same 3 hr track of cello music in a loop. I will listen to some things that are different occasionally.
I wouldn’t describe how music makes me feel as euphoria, but it sure helps put pep back in my step and it is one of my main tools for pushing back against negative symptoms. I couldn’t enjoy music (or anything else) at all when I was first diagnosed. It was like all of the colour went out of the world. I kept making myself listen to music and move to it even when I wasn’t enjoying it while telling myself that I was. Somehow the switch flipped again and I was suddenly enjoying without even realizing it at first.
Music is a huge thing for me too, I used to listen to albums for hours from start to finish, absorbing every detail from the sonic style of production to being in awe of expert lyricism combined with interesting dynamic choices the artist makes in songs. The beauty of music i know very well. Your story about listening to it despite not enjoying resonates with me a lot. I hope the switch flips for me also. Im just trying to figure out the root cause of it, because I also dont feel intune with my emotions, they feel flat. I think they are linked?
The root cause is the illness. It has messed up how your brain works. You have to nudge it back to where it was. This takes a lot of time and effort and it is frustrating as hell. Just remember that you didn’t get sick all at once so you’re not getting well all at once. It may take months or even years to get back what you lost. Don’t give up.
My mind feels really blank. And i feel empty inside, my memory is blank also, for some reason my memories of my life before my psychosis feel so far away from me. Its like im losing them just pure emptiness. I cant help but compare to how music moved me and took me higher than anything. And now its not anymore…
This is a point of conention with me and my care coordinators. Because when i was psychotic last year and up to my recent hospital stay i could feel music still but once i took paliperidone it just launched me into a massive depression. And now music doesn’t engage with me anymore. I’m definitely determined to get it back, its just i dont know how to nudge my brain back to how it used to be. Its just odd to me that it was only 4 months ago that my relationship with music changed once the injections were given and i got depressed. I
I was horribly upset and depressed early on after psychosis…this is normal I’m afraid…what you need is hope…build your hopes on anything at first…your favorite painting…watching sunsets…looking at flowers…taking a walk on a pretty day…and you will feel automatically better…hope builds on itself so after a while it will just come naturally.
“But then life stressors got in the way and I stopped. Music became a source of emotional pain for me.” -this felt familiar to me. When i was in the hospital taking my meds for the first time i felt like my emotions were being drowned out and when i listened to music i felt pain for not being able to feel music as strongly which eventually led to my situation now. Thanks for giving me some clarity on it a bit. Have you ever tried to reclaim that passion? Thats what I am striving for tbh with you
just pure emptiness. I cant help but compare to how music moved me and took me higher than anything. And now its not anymore…