I can’t do this anymore! I have been working, even though i have this horrible illness. I’d always kidded myself that i’m alright and that i need to keep working. But i have to face facts that i’m wrong. Work is very tiring for me, and that tiredness gets worse as the week goes on. I’m especially tired in the morning, as i have to get up early in order to travel to work, which is just over an hour away from home. I had a car accident on the way to work this last week. Thankfully i wasn’t injured, and the car is scratched and dented but still drives. I know that my performance at work is considered questionable. It causes me a lot of stress.
So i’m going to transition onto disability. I have to admit that the thought of this makes me feel depressed and anxious. I’ve never been on disability before, and i worry about being a drain on society. My partner is very supportive though. He has often said that he’d like me to stay home, as he gets stressed and worried every time i had travelled to work. So this is it. I’ll become a domesticated housewife. Not a role i have a problem with. I just worry about ensuring we have enough money to live. Anyway, thanks for reading.
It’s hard not working keeping yourself busy everyday. The work ethic here in my area is great and having had jobs I felt it. It took many years to get to the point I can handle it. I suffered the work ethic severely even though I was definitely disabled sometimes I felt better than other times. I have been very hard on myself I think because of working ten years hard jobs. Cleaning my kitchen saved my life. The first year might be the hardest. I still suffer from my laziness and I have hobbies, do my own shopping and cooking, and various things. I never had kids, I knew I would be unable to ever rest. I come from a family of workaholics. My grandfather was an engineer and the other a psychiatrist and I can’t ever live up to them.
I’ve been on disability since 2016 and I’m happy with it. It’s enough to pay for food which is all I really need since I still live with my dad and he pays for everything else.
I wish you the best as you transition to disability. I know very well what that’s like when you reach that breaking point. Ive been there too.
I was a state employee and I receive my disability from their long term disability insurance. I spent nearly five years completely housebound and psychotic, then my last pdoc wanted me back to work full time. I spent 16 months in ever growing crisis, and kept giving up ground. 5 days became 4, then 3, then two. I am trying to cling to 2, not wanting to be totally housebound again. I work a simple job in a retail store, not office work like before.
I am glad you are taking good care of yourself and doing what you need. Sometimes even though we try hard, work just isn’t possible. As my sister always tells me, no shame in that.