I’m in a similar dilema, except disability is not enough to live on for me. I’ve had approx 20 jobs since I got ill over a span of 10 years, but I keep trying because I don’t want to end up not going out or meeting different people… It’s one of my only other means to interact with the world… also makes me feel more independant… but at the same time… I am fed up of not being able to stick to a job.
I wish I could work…even with a Masters degree, I find it very difficult to interact with others in a work setting. My last job was working as a janitor at my clubhouse. The work was easy but I spent so much time being anxious about whether I was doing it well enough that I no longer enjoyed just socializing before I started my shift. I just keep thinking people are talking about me, or thinking I’m not doing something good enough, or trying to sabotage me…this has happened in other jobs, too. I choose not to work and have learned to be happy on disability income.
This describes my situation to a T. This is exactly how I get before I quit. I become paranoid people are talking about me… don’t like me, don’t like my work etc… that even though I am doing a good job, i just cannot deal with the social side of being in a workplace.
For long it felt for me also impossible to work, but since I’m on Wellbutrin my depression and anxiety have gone down. The last time I worked was in 2012. For the first time in long I feel it’s possible again.
I keep thinking the same thing. I have tried around 5 or 6 times, to work. but it didn’t work out. Einstein said, it is insane if you try to do something…and it doesn’t work, and you try it again. but I believe that it has to do with the situation, with working.