So this post dates back to like three weeks ago but I’ve tried not to think about it. First off. She told me she wants to be a disability advocate for a career. So I told her I hada disability. She seemed super interested and was like “wow I can’t believe I’ve got this opportunity”. I told her I don’t want to be treated like an opportunity, but anyways
We talk for a month and a half and I ask her on a date and she says yes. She says she wants to split the check but I say I insist on paying for the First date. Date comes were chilling for like 40 minutes then head to dinner and she says “are you sure you wanna pay. Because I left my wallet at home anyways”. And I’m like yeah whatever, I guess I did say that…although the circumstances seemed changed, I kept my vow to pay.
She was pretty quiet the whole date, I did most of the talking. I pay. Then she never ever texts or calls me back. If she wasn’t feeling it she shouldn’t have continued the “you pay” thing. She should have said “you know what, we’ll split it”. If she wasn’t feeling me. And I did nothing wrong. So for her to not ever text back and say “I just wanna be friends”. Or “I’m not ready for a relationship”. Has me feeling like I’m a piece of disabled trash/dirt. Worthless. Very rude by Her she could’ve handled so many things better. Just has me feeling worthless. I know it’s only like $15 and one girl but god she’s rude.
You can’t read her mind so you don’t really know why she rejected you. Maybe you had a piece of spinach on your front tooth the entire date that grossed her out. Who knows?
Yes, she’s rude for not contacting you.
So why worry so much about someone who is so rude?
It’s not about her. My self asteem has suffered and I feel like a worthless piece of trash who’s not worth even sending a text too…my whole life has pretty much suffered since our date. I’m trying to get out now but three weeks of isolation was pretty painful. And ps I don’t eat spinach
Yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted to write but it slipped out of my mind. [quote=“chew, post:3, topic:61350”]
My self asteem has suffered and I feel like a worthless piece of trash who’s not worth even sending a text too…my whole life has pretty much suffered since our date.
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I understand how you feel and it’s unfortunate. Maybe you can learn something from this incident.
meh dude… girls are weird. she got put off at some point or she started talking to someone else… or she just thought things through and the idea grew stale.
Ain’t your fault though man. Gotta keep a distance to things inside… but girls are allowed to be 100 fold more immature than guys. They can lie, change their minds, bah do just about anything and you can never make them feel guilty for it…
It’s really pretty hilarious.
Develop a screening system for women. Find ways to just hang out with them. Watch how they describe themselves vs how they actually seem over a bit of time… watch how they treat other people… and look at how she feels about all of them. You can even ask them… say “Hey that dude seemed pretty cool… or that guy seemed kind of like an ass.” See what they say… and then keep in mind how they treat them. If you’re a friend for long enough you’ll get an honest answer… Only being friends with women is tough because the only way to truly be friends with them is to set no standard at all and be no obligation on them. So you gotta find the ones who you have enjoyable ACTIVITIES in common… god hope they are healthy ones… not just drugs or drinking.
You can still have sex with women if you are just they’re friends… easiest thing to do… just don’t ever push for it. Get their number… hang with them and their friends. Do stuff with their friends without them… they’ll wonder what was going on without them there… they’ll start getting curious inside about it. Makes you a mystery to them… you get along with her people on your own???
then just keep hanging until she’s got that tension and nervousness around you… just watch and see if she sits and endures it and how she handles it. Truth is her insides just wanna ■■■■ you to take control of the mystery so she can get power back. IS THIS JUST ABOUT SEX???
and then turn her down… tell her you are looking for something real. You do approve of her… but you don’t want to play games. Then you remain a mystery… she knows she wants you… and you’re just a friend she can’t have… but she can try and talk to you whenever she wants. She probably won’t… but if you do have sex with her from there… then at least you framed up your ■■■■ right in her mind…
and if she wants to start dating, more importantly, then you know she’s serious… she’d be your girlfriend for a little while.
Youthful women are all over the place. There are good mature women in their 20s out there… don’t close your mind to recognizing that when they’re around. They treat people nicely, they stick to their word, and are as straightforward as they can be with the truth… whether they sleep around or not… they know it’s better for everyone’s heads if it’s all just on the level.
Literally everything you just described is a game. I would be 100% not impressed if a guy tried to pull this crap on me. I would feel like he lied about being my friend for months and tried to manipulate me. Do not follow this advice.
I read through the whole post and then this…
Hilarious.
As for Jon…you guys just didn’t click… Is that a word? That’s simple so move on and consider being less offended by the small things. Friendly advice.
And JJ, sorry this girl didn’t work out. It was pretty immature of her to just ghost on you. It is not a reflection on who you are as a person. You have a lot to offer a girl. But you just got to college. Take some time to get to know people before settling down. It sucks when people can’t see past our illness, but it’s sadly a part of life. I can’t tell you how many dates of mine ended the same exact way, because I was “too crazy” or something. But eventually, you end up finding someone.
You’re a good guy, I know, but that is not the way to treat women. It is manipulative and deceitful. If you want to date a girl, date her. If you just want to be friends, be friends. But I have just about had it with guys thinking it is at all okay to befriend a woman and gain her trust with the intention of using that trust to manipulate her into feeling something she didn’t already feel. It always made me feel used and ended in never speaking to the so called “friend” ever again.
@chew It is rather rude that she did this to you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember - we are our own harshest critics. We’ve talked a lot through pm and the board.
You’re an awesome dude! Hang in there. And to ride off what @Ninjastar said, you just got there so be open to more new possibilities, ok?
Take care, get good rest tonight and stay med compliant.
I would say that it sound like some of the player mystery men type stuff. Are you telling the truth. Because I followed little pieces of their advice and got nowhere even though I was still trying to be sincere with a woman. They just didn’t like what I have to offer. Of course then I had a psychotic break and couldn’t keep a job and am living with my parent. So maybe they could sense that. Anyway if the job opportunity pans out I could be trying to get a serious relationship again in a year.
Anyway that sucks chew I hope you do better down the line. Probably next time keep the sz secret until you are dating for like a year.
you meet the women I know… they’re totally only down with sleeping with people… they don’t want a relationship at all… they’re players and they sleep with their friends… and refuse all romantic intents. Those are the kind of girls I’m talking about. They will ■■■■ with the heads of others… they are players.
Stick and carrot scenario until you leave they’re sorry asses alone while they get to keep thinking you are stupid for not understanding them.
I just don’t know why people don’t treat relationships with the respect it deserves. It’s an equal exchange of one helping to sustain the other.
I’ve always imagined though that in my own experience that I can allow the other to be as they are. We wouldn’t have need to say much. Just cherish something that should be considered sacred.
Anyway, Jon sorry to hear about this. Sounds quite destructive to your psyche. Hope you’ll not let it harden you though.
That’s the thing. I can do better. Let’s throw my looks out the window, her looks out the window. Because that’s not what defines a relationship. I can do better personality wise. Much much better. Somebody who’s actually engaging and not rude. But still don’t get why I can’t get reciprocity in terms of respect. But I can do better which is what I should be thinking and telling myself. It’s tough at first though. She obviously has some issues. I don’t think she’s unattractive but nothing to go crazy over. Then, I don’t look for looks first In a relationship…so why the hell do I feel so damaged now?
