Can we heal without any friends at all?

Ok, hi to all, who still remember me…
Some news from me?
Oh well, i’ll never believe my years here…
But lately am changing too… Am fighting as heck for my mental health, to be better for me and even for the others, but i start to develop some character, cause i was allowing everything on me before (i was silent in fact for some 20 years, which was real hell, but i mean, that i allowed as much the good on me, but the bad too, which quite messed me up a bit).
Anyway…
I am trying to open my eyes to see even my own bs a bit tbh, but through my wanderings in the past, i cared and worried too much for the others, without being able to care for my needs and desires…
I try to build that too now, without forgetting at all, that we all suffer…
But i risk now to be left without any friends, i even ask myself if they can hate me, cause am a tough piece now and i wonder if you managed to survive and heal a bit more without any friends?
Is it possible, pals?
Thats it… :roll_eyes: :pensive:
I am probably not liked even here, but understand me too - i come from a place, where i’ve been through a 20 years old isolation and now i am quite maddened outside and in relationships, now that i try…
All the best to you all!!!

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Friends are very important to me, to my recovery.

Some people have left me after I got sick. Those weren’t real friends. Those who stayed are able to tolerate my occasional outbursts or bouts of depression.

It is very difficult to succeed alone. But not impossible. Always love yourself and put yourself first.

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Welcome back :handshake:
1515

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Hi @Anna1, good to see you around :dizzy: :+1:

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Thanks… :slight_smile:
Yeap, i just talk to 2 ill friends and i feel, that i bother them… But you know what, sometimes they too smash my few peace, i lately turned towards some virtues, now i fight, am probably in some kind of purgatory, but i often feel around them, that am a totally bad person, am probably still a bit paranoid yeap…
But they are in trouble too, i have wisdom to give to them and i still care…
But at my outbursts, i am hard to handle and i cant listen non stop to complaining either… I take some, but lately, the pressure from some people in my life is too much tbh…
Maybe i lost even my online boyfriend these days… It was only online yeap, not the best, but i still am learning to heal the fact, that i still cant walk from fear outside, am not good enough for a partner either…
The worst is that my mother thinks, that nobody can love me in this state, tbh i dont even find this true anymore, but i shake now from so much problems…
Hi @Schztuna , you pretty heh :blush: :blush: :revolving_hearts:
Me too i discovered lately, that a life without any friends is awful, tbh am not sure how i’ll heal like that…
The rest, i gained up in a bit of more courage, my med is still the zyprexa, which doesnt take away my anxiety, but i take klonopin as well and melatonin before sleep in order to shut off a bit my thinking…
My pdoc said, that my meds wont help me more, he said, that my psyche is destroyed now, as a person with an amputated leg and that i should keep exposing to the life etc…
And i expose now way more… But i take tough hits and i was alone as kid, am now already 42, i never lived till now, thats all… :unamused:
I also think, that along the sz, i have bpd, but am not sure really… My pdoc treats me for a paranoid schizophrenia, yeap…

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Hi @Andrey too… :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:
Me too i didnt forget you…
Oh well, the last years, i turned quite enthusiastic about my life, i really push myself too , even physically, i got real progress on the fact, that i wont come back to my meanness…
But now, am just an open wound and many people either neglect me, either throw all their problems to me, so its hard…
I heard from some people here on the forum, that they managed to get up on their feet even without friends, but me too, i glimpsed the grace of a good friendship and mainly that the life is mainly a sharing, now i risk to lose them all and i find it impossible without friends…
I maybe even gained mainly enemies, while i shake here still, when i have hate on me :persevere::persevere:
My family is half crazy too and they expect from me, that i act “normally” now, the support there is few, cause they dont believe that i can feel well ever anymore…
But ok, my life got busier too for example for the news…
I took my isolation better in the past months, cause at least i had some friends on the phone and on facebook, plus i occupy myself more at home now…
I’ve really learned too that to live is to suffer too, but if i get only hate and loneliness, i wont do it either i think…
I wont talk much now , but I’ll share it still, i had some going outs on my own to the malls here, i am now occupied again with my dentist, i go out in my neighborhood now a bit more, i talk even to complete strangers, i watch my movies at home in the evening etc…
But yeap, i had this online boyfriend, his love was making me move mountains in fact, but he is too far away, the last time he was colder with me, maybe i did smth wrong, while in my head and will, i was giving my best…
The thing though is that maybe my best now is totally not good enough yet…
But am tired to be blamed of on that, cause at least i fight now, not as before…
I’ll probably lose my motivation to live without my bf and if i have too much pressure around me…
Dont mind me pals, this is what is happening, maybe am back to my total loneliness again…

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It sounds like you are making some progress beyond just the meds alone— that’s awesome! :+1:

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend— it takes time to heal, but you are strong :+1:

Some good advice I was given a while ago is just to take everything one day at a time— hopefully it can help you too :dizzy:

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Good to hear from you anna. Hope you get out for some walks :blush:

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Am weak as heck now and the worse is my apocalyptic mind…
I had it in fact chronically before, since kid…
Yeap, am sick since kid in fact and i had no hope, neither dreams already since the age of 8…
Tbh, my worries are real too somewhat, cause i took my unique path, i still do my mistakes, only cause i get my outburst too and the lack of energy to handle problems in relationships and the people around me dont tolerate , when i get dysfunctional…
But I’ve glimpsed the well being yeap, precisely cause i finally had some love too, but maybe I’ll lose it now and its almost impossible to love yourself, when you are totally alone…

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I’m not sure tbh. I think self expression can help psychosis which is why talk therapy helps. Socializing can give you that. But you can also self express in different ways like by singing, making art etc.

I think as long as you have that a person would be ok. For example there’s some monks who don’t talk to anyone really on a daily basis and they’re not mentally ill. But they chant songs daily so I think that helps keep them sane.

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I’m sure you’re quite well liked here. I have family and not good at making friends. People seem so very different. It’s hard to find someone you agree with.

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Oh, thanks dear Devra… :no_mouth: :blush: :people_hugging:
I think, that for a sz, it’s almost impossible to get out without some sociality…
In fact my online boyfriend is with me since 8 years, but he lives in usa, i am in bulgaria…
Am learning even to not fear my mom for example, to walk and talk…
Maybe he got enough, that i dont give him more, like for example going there in usa to live there…
I cant imagine now to live there, really, i cant even go to the ambassy here, plus i am still not sure about my strengths, cause i crash every day… But for him, this is probably a hanging back from him, cause he’s ready to heal me when am around him…
But i cant imagine now to travel, i didnt put my feet into our downtwon of my city even since 10 years and i have crazy stuff in my mind after the years of total loneliness, where i even lost the ability to handle sounds…
Ok, if i look from a rational side on this, all these are just justifications, but really, maybe some of you will understand - i cant do now the decision to live in another country…
The sane people would do probably anything for love, so maybe i am a sucker for him, no??
Yeah, for me, now, i really cant take the decision to move out from here, how does it sound if he really loves me and waits since 8 years?

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G’day @Anna1 . :slightly_smiling_face:

That’s cruel of your mother to say you can’t have friends.
Encouragement and kind positivity that you can have healthy loving relationships even with mental illness.

Not having friends and in top of that hated and bully vibed anc excluded and walked over etc is not ok.

They have ndis and support but only for their people of choice it seems which is discrimination and abuse.

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You’re very lucky to find someone like that. Can he visit you? I don’t even know where to find an online boyfriend. I understand your concerns. It would be a very difficult decision to make.

Hey @Anna1

Welcome back. Glad you’re sticking around.

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Thanks to all…
Well, my sister and my mom effectively said often before, that no one “normal” would marry a sz…
Now i see, that this is a total delusion, a lie, a bad treatment on me and that there are in some kind of matrix, normie hell, cause this is totally cruel from their part, they probably are the victims too of my father, who beated them lol…
:flushed::flushed::skull_and_crossbones::skull_and_crossbones:
My guy made me see the truth on that at least…
But this means, that i fight for my sanity, body and soul even with an awful family, i almost have no friends either, the 2 decades of isolation behind me too…
Yes, now i fight totally, but am probably ultra broken and mad too now…:sleepy::sleepy:
My bf is a sz too in fact, but he doesn’t take meds and he manages his sz goodly now, so he’s free and ascending in life now… :no_mouth::slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:
He was pushing me towards some knowledge, truths and virtues and ive changed around that inside for the better in fact…
But he was with me for 8 years, we sharing promises for love and dreams about us, but even after all this time, i still am too ignorant and blind and also sick…
I guess, that my heart was totally broken too before, so i still dont dare to dive totally in any love…:grimacing::pensive::pensive:
But i was poor also on my deepest needs, so i dont even know yet which guy i even like or am just dreaming… i even still trying to figure out if i am not bisexual…
I was once diagnosed as bpd, maybe i have it too along with the sz…
:expressionless::expressionless:
But Devra, i feel.unworthy now for love, darling, for example… I feel shame often still, when some man show me love…
Plus i get too sick too often still, this is unpredictable for now and the tragedy of my family put me in my head, that until i am not stronger, i will be hated or rejected, smth like this…(maybe this is paranoid,am not sure).
This boy was ready to come on a vacation here to see me… But i wasnt sure about my love, now you see how shitty am i sheesh…
I wasnt also sure, that i would have been able to go outside with him too for example, to show him.my city, which i dont know either anymore, because in 10 years, it changed…
Thats it, friends…
Yes, Bob Dylan says, that you cant be wise and in love in the same time…
But lately, i turned a bit manic of my new reason and am probably absent on the affairs of the heart, soul and body still, thats my guess now… :flushed::face_with_monocle::thinking::thinking:
Idk, i didn’t need another man around this guy…
And i wont seek for another one now, nope…
:cry::cry::pensive:
Maybe I’ve built walls around me, but i need time too to break them, would you agree with that?
I just come from a place, where i wasnt even talking till the age of 35, pals… I also got a psychobody disorder and am not free of them yet…
The rest is, that i find that we’ll be always a bit more fragile than the normies, but i know now, that we totally can have still very fulfilling and happy lives, maybe with some efforts too…
What do you think? Am i not a good lover or partner yet? What about this goal of mine now - to get back my mental health first??
I wasnt fighting till my 35s in fact, i was given up before and this had its consequences… Now that i fight and try to finally feel it all etc, i get things like nausea for example and with it, i need for example just silence and no light, things like that…
Yeap, the quacks said, that the meds wont help me more, they totally dont help the psychosomatic disorder too for example, i guess my problem now is the smashed psyche…
All the best, waiting for your answers eventually :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face::rose::rose:

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@Anna1

Im sorry your still struggling with somatic pain and psychological scars and mental Illness.
I struggle with fear of going out, bpd and schizophrenia so i understand those.
Life is a struggle and pain is everyday
Just keep fighting and make each day count because life is also a privilege and a blessing
Hugs

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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