What it was like before you developed schizophrenia.
I can and it was pure bliss. I was happy and so stable. All the way u to 16. Life was so beautiful back then. I’m 29 now and suffering.
I miss those days when I didn’t have problems. I was a fun person to be around.
Now I’m a gloomy bugger with no love of life
Even if I wasnt experiencing schizophrenic symptoms, I’ve always felt empty. That’s why started medicating myself with marijuana and other drugs alcohol. To fix up that emptiness inside. I feel better now than I’ve ever felt
I remember ten years old I was popular with the girls and good in school and sports. At 11, in camp my friend pretended he saw my ■■■■■ and told the whole grade mine was small and everyone laughed at me and told me “you’ll never get married. You’ll never have sex, etc…”. It was very traumatic because I knew nothing about ■■■■■ size mattering for anything in life?? Up to that point. And a lot of other things that were traumatic. But for whatever reason that affected me the most of all the traumas. I was a ghost all through high school.
@Jonnybegood. In the 1rst or 2nd grade some girls told me that I was ugly. I was in my 30s b4 I figured out that I wasn’t
That’s terrible to hear mate.
I once ran through a club naked and someone got a pic of me ffs.
Put it this way, it was a cold night during winter.
In high school freshman year after I got cut from the baseball team unfairly and had hernia surgery and gained a bit of weight the only girl in my grade I ever had a crush on…well someone said “I think Jon has a crush on you” and she said “eewwwwww” and I think I became schizophrenic over night after that. Also when I was 11 or 12 my doctor told me “you will be 5 foot 7 at most” and she acted like it was the end of the world. I pretended I didn’t care but the way she told me rather than saying “it’s ok 
just do well in school and you will be alright “. I found that traumatic too. Instead she seemed like the apocalypse happened. There were other things but in a 3 year span I lost everything good in my life practically. It’s why I pretended I was black on the internet for five years which made me very delusional.
My adolescence in a nutshell.
5’7" is a good height. Everyone in my family is short and we don’t care. Maybe the girl you liked liked you back but was embarrassed bc you weren’t popular
U pretended u were black ?
I’m 5’5 1/2. My dad is 5’8.5 and my mom is 5’5 so I should be a little taller but it doesn’t matter. I make up for it with my inners. It’s more important how u feel then how tall. I’m good now but on an impressionable kid it messed me up for a while with how mean she was. If you look at my yearbook photos I look worse every single year. More blank in the face with the progression of the prodromal phase.
Yes it’s the main reason I thought I was Jesus. Because I was in a group with all these black people once and thought they were telling me I was Jesus. And I felt Jesus should have some black in him 
I did it because Tupac was my idol and Tupac said “I’m not saying I’m gonna change the world but I guarantee I will spark the brain that will”. So that added to the delusion.
Lol that’s kinda funny dude
I’m not gonna lie, the delusion increases in sobriety. Another catch 22 the better I do the more I believe it. When I was on clozaril I didn’t believe because I was overweight and felt shitty about myself.
Before I became sza, I had serious depression issues during high school and tried to kill myself with pills. Then I joined the military and had something traumatic happen to me and I was messed up after that. Started hearing voices and other symptoms started up too.
That’s me in the middle, first day of freshman year. Look like a normal kid. Then by the end of high school I was FK’ED.
you sound like fun to be around 
I can’t pretend everything was great. I had serious difficulty completing my homework/schoolwork when it was beyond a certain volume at 14. I had very few real friends. Although I had gone from being very round andoverweight at 12 and 13 to being an average looking 14 year old. I think I had discovered strength training at 12.
But, sometimes my focus an concentration was very good and I was an excellent reader when it was something I liked. This was actually true for some years after my diagnosis, at least when I wasn’t feeling over stimulated.
I once started telling everybody that this girl was my girlfriend and the hole little town heard it. She was angry AF and hated my guts. I did not took her seriously and I would visit her almost daily, after 2-3 weeks she started to like me and she kept staying outside with me and we got along.
Then my friend told me she was his girlfriend in the past so I stop talking to her
@Jonnybegood. Clozaril definitely causes weight gain. I won’t even post a picture bc of how fat I am
I barely remember. I know my childhood was wonderful in that I had my own horse from a really young age and spent all my time with horses until my mid teens. I also remember that even as a 5 year old I had hallucinations, delusions and mood swings. I think it started to go really wrong at secondary school, then full blown at age 17… but I think I always knew, from early childhood, that I wan an outsider, and that something was very wrong either with the world or me.
Growing up was dysfunctional but it was better than schizophrenia. I can’t remember much of my life before schizophrenia though. I had a really good memory.
