Tomorrow afternoon, I am going to my mother’s house to help her by getting on ladders to get to her higher shelves (she’s 80 and I don’t want her to fall); to do some laundary; and eat dinner. She also wants to go over my bank account. This is causing me great distress and making my stomach feel funny, She our some money in my account yesterday to help me out. I went to Walmart this afternoon to get groceries, some toiletries and somehow spent about what she deposited. I did get a lot of food and I was out of a lot of essentials. Probably, I will only need to pick up a few items next week like perishables. meat or fish, eggs or something to complete a recipe, etc. I even got a menu for the week through Wednesday! Basically, she started giving one of her critical lectures about spending too much money, analyzing my spending habits, blowing my money, blah, blah, blah . . . You know the story. I told her that I do the best I can. She then made one her self-righteous; God’s gift to mankind faces that she can make and said; “That’s not good enough.” She always that about my money. I know that I need to learn more about this stuff and I do have a tendency to be impulsive. I told her that she needs to uplift me and give me positive encouragement. In her highly delusional state (And I take medication and go to therapy for being delusional) she thinks she is helping me??? If she is helping me; why the hell doe my head and stomach feel funny. Right now, I am as scared as if I was going to trial for some crime. What did I do wrong? Why am so bad? Why does this hurt so? What is so very wrong with me that I am not like those “normal” people like she thinks she is? I am trying to think of way to get out of this conversation. I realize I have not always been “perfect or prudent” in my spending habits. I moved and have had some unusual expenses. I got rid of everything when I moved in with my mother in 2013. The move and everything also cause me to go through some immense changes in everything about me so I had to purchase some things I never thought I would. I have had to buy back things I got rid because of moving in with her and my own delusions, etc. I can talk to my therapist about this; but, never my mother. That woman is very wrapped in her self and making a “conservative, traditional ,Christian” impression. She doe’s understand diversity, positive deviancy, or mental ill ness. On the last one, she seems to flatly refuse. I write too long and too much. Forgive me. All I know is that for whatever reason, I feel like I am going to the gas chamber. Thank you for “listening” and reading this long post. Damn me, I am too WORDY!
My dear girl. Your mother is acknowledging she ain’t gonna be here to help you forever even if she does leave you an inheritance. Try eating a predominately vegetarian diet e.g. Beans and carbs. Make meat a treat like Jesus did. Moms aren’t perfect but thoughs of us that have them regardless of what witches they may be are darn lucky.
I think that lagoonlovely meant well, but, may not understand my post. In thinking about this thingl it may not really be about money at all; but, how she treats me. S he is using the money to induce guilt and other negative feelings in me for what reason I don’t know. I told her she was making me sick and she is!! I don’t understand. She has always some thing to belittle me about; now it’s money. I am not saying I have been perfect about money. There is a lot of stuff going on here and it hurts like hell. Have they ever made an effective medication to deal with parents, yet? Please forgive me for saying this. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings, lagoonlovely. Your post did make me consider the real issues here. Thank you, Also, I really don’t know what Jesus ate. I thought he ate a lot of fish. But, I think we should think more on his message of compassion than what he ate. Please forgive me for being so damn opinionated. It is one of my worst faults!
If you don’t need her money then don’t take it.
Problem solved
You’re right; but taking or not taking her won’t solve the problem. Sadly, she has access to my bank account and goes in there to make judgements on my spending habits. I have trying to figure out some way to stop this; but, I havn’t completely got an answer from myself that I am satisfied with. I have one possibility and have been dragging my heels about it. I had put on my bank account in case I was incapicated. Before my sister passed away; we shared a bank account; but, that was supremely different in so many ways, My mother always want to hurt in a vulnerable spot. I remember in college; it was the “sexual thing.” Now, it’s money and mostly I just go through life believing totally that I will be provided by a Higher Power. I have faith in that stuff. My mother, I think, sees that faith as threatening and would like to see thrown out from under me. I don’t know. She’s not evil; just mean-spirited towards me; her only surviving daughter and child. Maybe, the tragedy belongs more to her than me.
A mother only wants the best for her child. She is hoping for a strong independent person and not a little girl. It’s important to have independence and make your own money and find your own way. She wants to see that you can do better. Mothers are nurturing and caring, show her that your an adult and that you are trying. Sometimes we just have to earn our way through life. Tell her your trying and may be asking her questions on ways to do better so you don’t have that awful feeling inside of you. Nobody likes to be punished and treated like a child but you have to earn the respect to get rid of those awful feelings
I’m sure she wants you to survive. She has problems but I’m sure she wants her daughter to be independent and learn how to live. My mom is older now. I’m 54. I will overlook a lot because she won’t be around forever. I know she only wants the best for me.
Both of my parents are in their 80s, i am preparing for the future - a big unknown for me.
I am sure that she wants you to do well in your life.
If mothers are religious they expect you to deny yourself all the time, and apologize for living if they get tired of you.
It’s hard to live with relatives, especially our parents, as adults… Money complicates things.
BTW I’ve seen long lines of normal people at Walmart with carts overloaded. Maybe it’s because they have almost everything there. With grocery shopping I try to limit myself to what I will need today or tomorrow.
Thank you for your posts concerning my problem with my mother. She seems to have abandoned her desire to help with the money/.financial stuff. Last weekend, she got sick; so, I didn’t go to her house at all. (I stayed home and watched Disney princess movies on cable tv!) Anyway, she felt well enough to go to the bank and the banker was there who helped me when I lost my checkbook. He said that he would be happy to help me with this budgeting/money stuff. The only problem is that I have been calling all week long and leaving a message on his voice mail to call me to set up an appointment and he has not returned my calls. I e-mailed him Fri evening so he hopefully, I will hear from him Mon morning. Last week, I told my mother that I saw a dress I wanted at the store. She said that I gave you $20.00; why didn’t you get it? I told her that I needed to use some of that money for something else and didnt want to write a check, etc. I did buy it when I got “paid.” I just don’t tell her when I go shopping, if at all possible. Hiding this stuff from my mother I learned way back when my sister was still living and we did wonderful sisterly things together like shopping. I am working to be not so impulsive a shopper; but like everything else; you go one step forward for two steps backward. I do think in all due respect to everyone who posted; that of you did not realize the real issue was the way she treated me not the money issue. I tell her as little as possible about my life; such as she knows if that I am on lithium and one other medicine. She doesn’t know what the other medicine is and I won’t tell her. I may have let it slip that the pdoc said it was a refinement of risperidal. I don’t tell that I might have been talking to my therapist on the telephone as I did last week. She does know when my appointments are; because she pays for them. Last week, we went shopping together. She needed clothes for Easter and church. She bought me two pairs of shoes and two knock-around t-shirt. One was cute with kittens on it; but, frankly I wouldn’t be caught “dead” even going to the gas station for a coke with that on; unless it was an emergency! My sister had taught me a lot about how to deal with my money obsessed; penny pinching mother. Past boyfriends have taught me about giving mothers “lip-service response.” I look after my mother; but, I keep my distance to keep my well-being and keep me free from symptoms, etc as much as possible. On the religious issue, I gave my mother some Christian books that I no longer need; that she might like. She said, “What? Are you giving up on organized religion?” I know she is upset that I don’t go to church anymore. I think she thought I would not become one of the “lost flock.” who was a “lapsed chaplain” But, she wont say too much; especially after my father. I will never tell her my “spiritual/religious” beliefs. She wouldn’t understand. I don’t even think I have told my therapist. It is no ones business. I don’t share mainstream beliefs; that can be a challenge in small southern town with well-respected Christian university(that my parents met and graduated from!) but somehow I make it each day. There are others in this community who choose to follow their own unique path. It may not coincide with my path; but, I applaud them! I write to much. Be your Divine Magic every moment you are “alive” or “dead!”
I have a big problem with Walmart sometimes. I am seduced by their low prices and sometimes spend more there than even at higher priced grocery stores. This is true even at what they call Walmart Marketplace stores which is nothing more than grocery store with a pharmacy. I have thought of going to Walmart for my meds; because I think they cheaper on my Medicare Part D plan; but, they are farther from my house than the CVS. Therefore, when you factor in gas cost; the cost might be more! I think I might go to Walmart again today. I need clothes hangers and memo books. Oh, I must write everything down to make it live for me! I went yesterday. Oh, well, Sam Walton gets rich in his “final resting place.” One day, when I feel like it; if I ever fell like it I’ll tell you about the time I “got thrown out of Walmart where I used to live!” This would never have happened if those idiotic ruthless doctors had never messed with my medications. Of course, that’s several other posts there. By, by my fellow children of the divine universe. May you have a sunny day wherever you are; even if it’s cloudy, rainy, snowy, or icy or stormy. I like stormy. It makes the bones sing!
Take care and be careful
My mother is near 80 and I am finding myself in another life altering stage. I think she is developing a bit of dementia by forgetting things, etc… and she just seems to becoming disconnected to it all. I have to be aware of this and to not argue with her for she will start a conversation with an argument just because she hates being corrected…
Time to practice not arguing with my elders as I was told many years ago.My mom is getting stubborn too. Just trying to get her to go to the doctor…
I just got back from Walmart. I guess I did spend more than I had wanted to and it was busy with people spending more and having these horribly full carts. However, I did buy some more nail polish and eyeshadow. It was cheaper than the drug store. I have gotten pretty particular about the brand. I need to say this. I’ve wanted to start to “pretty and cute” myself up again; as, I have to buy nail polish, lip gloss, and eyeshadow. I will never wear blush, powder, or stuff like that on my face; as, I have a big thing about putting stuff on my face. I do not want to look like a clown. They make very sick to my stomach and I really really don’t like them. I don’t like facial masks or any kind of mask on my face. It makes me sick, gives me headaches, makes me feel like I’m suffocating, etc. The lip gloss I got is really light; baby lips; but, the eyeshadow and nail polish can pack a punch. It is orange and purple. I do have pastel nail polishes, also. Today, I am wearing royalty reinventented; lilac color. Who knows for tomorrow. I guess maybe the medication is starting to work. I also have a thing for perfume. Yesterday, I told my mother I would never wear patchouli. I just don’t like it or pretty don’t like perfumes with that as a note. My mother with her self-righteous condescending self says, " Well, I don’t wear perfume anymore." My father did use to buy her Chanel No#5 as a special gift when she was younger. Now, she is just too good for it. I guess you know by now; when you find a little bit a pleasure with this “disease” you seek it out whenever you are able. Have a Magical Day!