yesterday I called her and told her I had a flat tire and she said " you’re on your own"…all I needed was her to pay for the flat to be fixed…all I had was dog food money so I covered it luckily and my neighbor bought us some dog food since he owed me in gas money…so it all worked out…it was no small problem, it was a major problem and she abandoned me when she’s always been there before…makes me sad for to see her at Christmas…I will have to pretend like she didn’t hurt me.
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It’s late for her to cut the apron strings, If she’s been there all your life, why now?
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Families fight. Every family does. My aunt and I got into a big blowup years ago. But we forgave each other and we don’t even talk about it now. Just give it time.
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Inflation could be eating a lot out of her money this year. This could be tough if she’s on a fixed income. I wouldn’t take it personally. Things are tight for everyone. I had to spend less on gifts this year. I told everyone in advance.
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It sounded like she didn’t want to pay for it or maybe couldn’t. She’s helped you before and it ended up all working out for you anyway. I would suggest not feeling uncomfortable with her. If you do, just let it pass.
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Inflation is eating everyone’s money
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There is a pet food pantry in my area.
Maybe look into finding help.
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Yeah. I agree. Try to get some help. Money is tight for a lot of folk.
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It sounds like your mom is showing you love by letting you learn how to solve your own problems. I know it is a scary thing to learn, but hey! You did figure it out. You were able to rely on your own brain and your own skills to get through. You didn’t need to be bailed out. Doesn’t that feel better than being rescued and feeling helpless?
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well at the time of the intial flat of the tire, I had no idea what was going to happen unless I got someone to change the tire, three obstacles later…it got changed because my lawnmower guy lives on the corner and has lots of compressors, and tools and jacks…thank goodness…or I’d still be flat…she didn’t have to turn silent on me…she could have explained her position in my time of need.
You seem very focused on how the situation impacted you. That is understandable; since it was a disruption to your life. But it might help to think about her side as well. Think of how she would feel if you showed up to Christmas angry at her because she did not give you money. She might feel hurt. She might feel used. She might feel like you think she has no right to say no to you. She might feel like you love her money more than her.
Then think about the fact that you did solve your problem. She did not abandon you. She gave you space to fix it on your own. She isn’t going to be around to solve things for you forever. She might need to feel reassured that you will be okay when she is gone. Seeing you fix things on your own will help give her that peace of mind. Reframing it like that might help you let go of your feelings of hurt.
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my point is, if my friend wasn’t there to help me, and he could have been gone…the tire wouldn’t have been fixed…I was lucky…yes I fixed it on my own…my mom is wealthy and could afford the small amount of money it took…that’s my point.
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You are reacting as though she failed to meet an expectation, rather than said no to a special favor. That can be dangerous for two reasons. One, it can leave her feeling like you don’t care about her. Two, it can make her less likely to do favors in the future. When people do favors, part of the reason is because they like to help. The other part is because they enjoy being appreciated. If you get angry with her because she didn’t do a favor, she will stop feeling like her favors are appreciated. She will start to feel like they are the base-level expectation.
It is okay to process your own feelings on your own time. Feelings or rejection and abandonment come up from time to time. I am only trying to give advice on how to get through those feelings by the time you see her, so you can keep a good relationship.
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I would never yell or be mad at mom…she does what she can… I don’t understand why she did what she did…and I don’t really want to know…I appreciate your insight but I already know everything you’re telling me.
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I can afford most of the things my daughter asks for, but I don’t always say yes. I need to let her sort some of her problems on her own.
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Just because your mom is wealthy doesn’t mean she should have to cover your expenses when they come up. Instead of feeding the neighborhood dogs, you could be putting money aside for emergencies like this one
I’m on a tight budget too. I feed my own dog but no others. I put money aside every month for issues like flat tires etc.
You are a grown man. Your mother won’t be here forever to bail you out all the time. I say this as a fellow person who makes very little money and has a wealthy mom.
My mom made me start paying rent at 14 - the summer before 9th grade. I was then emancipated at 16 and paid all my own bills. Recently, out of the goodness of ger heart, she has helped me with a couple things. But I would NEVER ask. She doesn’t owe me anything. I’m grown and it’s my responsibility
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I think jukebox has a point his mother could easily fork the cash up and she’s just being a miser
Why not help out your son in a DISASTER
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Allow me as a parent to put things in perspective. A flat tire is not a disaster.
A flat tire is an inconvenience. Getting called about your bleeding kid in the back of an ambulance is a disaster.
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Ok that appears to be more of a disaster
Allow me as the grandkid of wealthy people to put that part in perspective. My last christmas present from my grandparents was a set of used dish towels. That same year, three other relatives were given a Lexus. Juke said his mom gave them money for Christmas so he could get himself a guitar. She just doesn’t say yes every time.
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