I cant think. I only think obsessively about mu future with anguish etc… the nights are tougher… but now, I don’t have ideas in my head. I just sit here, in front of all these conflicts with Syria and Russia and usa and I don’t get a thing… but can I hope that this will return? was it like this with you - first, the relief and then the ideas? in the past the schizophrenia was called ‘‘dementia praecox’’’… I also forget a lot of things, I am like demented,it scares me :/…
I went through a long period where I didn’t have enough concentration to watch a movie or read almost anything. I was obsessed with various thoughts and really out of it. Over time, and with the right medication, things got better.
I think that for a good while I had convinced myself that I was unable when in reality I most likely could have. But this was only after a good period of stability, when I was actively I’ll I couldn’t concentrate much at all.
Don’t give up hope, things can always get better. Keep finding treatments that work for you.
ah ok malvok,it gives me hope your message. my thoughts are already calmed down with my ap I find but I remain stupid for a lot of things. I am worried for my future, excessives worries cause I live alone since so many years that I don’t know how ill get on my feet right now… ive almost forgot to talk…
I do not know if this is relevant, but in this world of ours we have a lot of news from different parts of the world and things/events happen and we can not do anything about these news. Most news are irrelevant in our lives and world events are far from us. For example, the meeting between the USA and Russia on Syria has nothing to do with us. They are so far and might be more beneficial to watch some entertainment TV shows than news on TV.
yeah ok, ill watch more entertaining shows. its just my mom who talks about politics all the time(she is Russian) and she thinks that I am stupid to not to be interested in politics… I am too close with her, its not good for me anymore…
Don t worry.these kind of ideas just past away with right medication.what important thing to know you have to survive with right medicine which quite hard at the begining.all this fearfull thinking’s reason is high amount of dopamine hormone.for example the movie Donny Darko is quite schizoprenic movie.they exactly explain all schizophrenic ideas.all about dopamine hormone.don t forget.
thanks… I had a conflict with my mom, she is right for a lot of things. I became mean in my illness, I know schizophrenics who were lot better than me in this illness, more good I mean… me, I became mean and evil and envious etc etc… the plus is that on the second month of my current treatment my hate and my irritability are lessened, I suppose its a good sign
do you were like this? without ideas, without projection in your thought? can this come or ill become dumber on aps?its tough for me now…I thinkthat the emotions and thoughts are connected. I just wanna feel love and emotions and all but for the moment,iam juste relieved by the suffering… no progress in my thinking and in my emotions…
I think it’s a confidence thing.
I was totally shattered after my first break and thought I was good for nothing and my life was over.
I was just a shell but my younger sister would play videos games with me and I could win. So that to me meant my mind wasn’t totally gone.
I was the oldest and I moved back home after going to live in the dorms. My mom looked up a job in the newspaper and the woman that interviewed me was impressed that I took high school chemistry. She didn’t ask about why I wasn’t in school. They just had a job helping in the lab.
So I just went right to work, never mind that I tried to jump out the 7th floor in the dorm 2 weeks before. It was a big secret never discussed. It was just a starter job but it gave me confidence.
Next semester I went to the community college instead of the big bad university and it was just like gonng to high school only harder. But with my family around, I got better. And even got a job at a local medical school. I did so good that when it was time to transfer to a very competitive college.
Big mistake but I didn’t know yet I just couldn’t handle high stress. So another break and shattered confidence.
But once again my parents let me move back home and then I transferred back to the big bad university. But this time I communited and eventually graduated.
Moral is never give up even if you think your life as you knew it is over. Maybe it is, you’re never the same again but don’t give up and try try again.
i am not sure that I need my meds in fact. I feel really strange right now on them… if they transforme me really in azombie? wow, I just keep asking myself…
Whats your biggest fear? Losing your mind or being in that state forever? Because without meds losing it is the most probable thing that will happen, and that state can change.
I think my fear is to stay in that state forever. my suffering is lessened Minnie but I am afraid ill remain insensible… my hope is that ill get used to the meds, that this is temproray state… how it was with you? did you go through this kind of phase-desensibilised?
Yeah, I told you that. I had a phase of deep depression after my psychotic break and then I woke up from it. I still deal with it, but not as deep as before. It’s manegeable.
I fear losing my mind more than being depressed. Because I lost my mind while depressed and almost commited suicide. Sane I would never do such a thing.
yeah but what if the zyprexa kills my soul and my emotions? sorry to be like this… cause I am not sure I need my meds… I have the feeling that with my efforts I can feel better, don’t know anymore… I wanna cry, I am fed up
Yes I had that fear and was depressed and lay on the bed scared of the jellies that invaded my room. My mom saw what the hospital did to me and signed me out AMA.
Luckily my parents sorta kicked my butt because they didn’t understand it and they never will. I had to read about it on my own later, my parents were in denial.
So they treated me as normal and didn’t let me wallow in depression. They never gave me a choice to do nothing. It was go to work or go to school period.
Even on the highest doses of medication I feel that they helped me think more clearly than zoned me out. Remember that you’re not stuck with just one med. There are many out there that can help with minimal side effects. If one doesn’t help more than it hurts, try another.
I cant try any more aps, I tried them all…I amdispappointed by all these aps malvok,i really tried them all… I have paranoid schizophrenia with negatives symptoms, not positives. I am maybe not made for these meds… I just pray that the fact that I cant think and cant feel is temporary…
I firmly believe there is hope for everyone. Keep trying, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Yea I had that fear because it’s so scary.
But now I’ve lost my mind so many times, I’m not afraid any more. Just increase meds, patch me up and let me out.
It may take time, but I eventually get better.
Just have patience but get back on the wagon of life. Many lose jobs, housing, are robbed, Etc and carry on.
We may feel like we’ve been through the wringer but there are no wounds to show off.
So you get no sympathy. No one wants to hear of it so I don’t tell any one.
Maybe there may be more enlightened people but I just haven’t run into them. After telling one company that had a separate question about mental illness that I replied Yes and I think it’s the only reason I didn’t get that job, I tell NO one.
I guess I only rant here alone. So forgive me if I go overboard, only my pdoc knows.
without meds I stop eating and for example I sit in the bath cause I have cold… but now,i cant think,really… I am afraid that this will stay like this…and what if I give5,6 months to the meds and if I still feel like screwed stop them after that?
malvok, I spent the last 5 years in the psychiatry and I never got any progress… you can imagine my despair and my disappointing…I wanna cry, something is not ok with me, I am so unhappy…