I’m sorry to hear that. I know it can be hard, took me years and years to become stable.
yeah but 5 years without success? I tried abilify,geodon,solian,invega,xeroquel,clozapine,haldol,fluanxol,zyprexa, Depakote and someads… I am not a laboratory mouse… my sister saw all this, she said I had too many meds…you are sorry but me,i am ■■■■■■ up… 
I need help, help me people… I am suffering…
sorry for this but I lost 15 years ill and what is telling me that I could go better? nothing… is it a good thing to try my zyprexa for 5 months and eventually drop it after this? it sucks…
I don’t really have any answers that won’t sound preachy. I believe there’s hope for everyone and everyone deserves to be happy and at peace. I hope you find yours soon.
ok,thank you malvok. probably my problem is that I keep everything bad in me. but I am scared cause I was to a point to curse everybody in the past when I was in crisis… I am not delusional as others but I have some things that are not normal…
ok, ill keep this inmind, that there is hope. but sometimes I cantreally think,yeap…
@Anna10 For now why don’t you just agree to give your zyprexa 6 mos. to start working, then reevaluate if it’s not working? In the meantime could you make a list of things you like doing and start doing some of them even if only 1 a day? Maybe push yourself a little bit to get out, maybe you’ll make more friends or meet a nice guy. When I’m feeling bad, which can be often, I try things to feel better such as coffee and music. It’s hard to know which medicines will work, that’s why it’s a good idea to give them some time to be sure. If you’re confused with like a brain fog does coffee relieve it? If so have a cup or 2 in the mornings. I hope you start feeling better soon, you do sound better. You know I like going to groups and meetings because talking and listening to others and their problems makes me feel more connected and helps me clear my mind of ruminating worries.
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yeah ok thank you dear nanny. its the best to give time to zyprexa. this ap gives me energy even if its strange cause it should be sedative. but my pdoc told me it has antidepressive effect. and I need it kind of…probably give it ty its thebest, yes… buti really don’t have ideas because of the illness… I cant think about the reality, I am like disconnected from it… sometimes I even skip the information around me. I pay real bad efforts to catch up something but its hard to be like this…
in fact I spent the evening now with a fast thinking of my ex and envy that he has another girlfriend… I am like possessedwith this idea. there is also the thing that I lose my time now in the illness, I wanna live,its alsoan obsessional symptom for me…my fast thinking is to a point thai I suffocate,i try to find a place to be in peace… then it calmed down,its better when I don’t have this… probably the meds are working now, probably I would be worse without them…and the goal is to catch up more information so I can relearn thinking and feeling,isnt it? I was to a point for years that I wasn’t interested in anything, I even didn’t see the things around me, i wasn’t hearing them, i was living with the devil in my head i suppose. with frustrations and dreams of love… what a disease… its still for me hard to know what i love, i thinkit will take time to rediscover a new me,a sane one 
probably it will take time,no? the meds are working like this? but i should make efforts to be more active isn’t it? cause i was sedentary for years…
Yes @Anna10 learning to replace our negative, fearful thinking is part of it and trying not to isolate and learning coping skills is all part of recovery. Don’t feel so bad about the long time you isolated because I am older and wasted more time. I didn’t even know I was officially sick I mean I knew I was more afraid than others, and I knew I made mountains out of mole hills. I, also, knew I avoided a lot and would get overstimulated and isolate. I guess I didn’t think I could be helped so I held in my symptoms, kept them to myself. Yet as I got older it seemed the untreated symptoms got worse so I ended up getting help, now I have a lot of help and am learning so much. I wish I had gotten all this help decades ago, but that’s water under the bridge. There are ways to get better. I deal with this chronic fear and paranoid delusions. It can be awful that’s why I’m so desperate to learn ways to get better, I would like some peace. Today I had 2 cups of coffee and now my heart is racing and I feel so afraid, my mind keeps wandering and it’s hard to focus. So from now on I’ll only have 1 cup,I should have known better.
yeah, if i was treated sooner also… i was a monstruous at a time,miserable also :)… i was to a point to suffocate instead of talking. i still have this feeling… but i don’t wanna make anymore hospitals… i feel like i am in psychotic depression… in my country(east Europe) everybody with my problems is diagnosed as schizophrenic… even my mom is wondering if i am not autistic… but i have paranoia,yes, a lot… my state is changing in the day-sometimes i am peaceful but unhappy. sometimes i jump in the bed cause i cant stop thinking, sometimes i am really scared of the others, scared of violence…but for these 2 months i have a light improvement,i was worse i think… so maybe it can get better. but i am wondering who will love me in this life with this illness…its schizophrenia,its not nothing…but ok, ill try to be positive…i am really paying efforts to avoid every source of suffering… i am with a private pdoc but even she doesn’t insist to see me a lot… i think the psychiatry cant help me anymore cause i got used to the schizophrenia with these years and now i should relearn on my own to live. can i do it alone? i have my meds of course-Depakote and zyprexa 10 mg…
It scares me to think I might lose whatever intellectual acumen I might have to schizophrenia. I also fear my failing mental powers due to age. If you are young you have a good chance of recovering any mental powers you might have lost due to schizophrenia.
crimby, i start to get old- 33 years and i feel that if i recover it will take more time…its really like a dementia… i forgot things, i don’t catch up information, i don’t think by myself, voila :(… yeah, its scary i know…
Well you could look up coping skills and mindfulness and such online. So maybe with meds and research you could get better. I just know how helpful it is for me to have others help me learn, and they guide me to make sure I do my homework. You see I did find love and my husband knew of my fearful nature and my tendency to isolate so he took care of the outside world and I took are of our home. Now my husband is ill and reality keeps slapping me in the face. If I dare think of the future I feel lost in fear. So I have some people helping me to learn how to cope and stay in the here and now. not to dwell in the past or worry about the future.
ok,i see… i listen to my mom who is a guide for me…i started to feel more confident with my 2 friends but they are ill also…activating helps but the problem for me is going outside,sometimes its like i am gonna to scream by fear(but i don’t do it)…i am like a ghost. i really should stop thinking aboutmyself so much… i should pay attention to other things i guess…
be strong,wish you well nanny with your husbands illness,everything will be ok
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Thanks @Anna10 Yes going outside is difficult for me sometimes I have to force myself and sometimes they come to me. I recently learned a new technique called grounding. In grounding if you get lost in worrying or mind wandering you bring your focus back to your surroundings, like notice the chair, or feel your feet on the floor, etc. I’m learning so much I think it’s helping.
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yeah i see,its like focusing on another thing than our fear. i can try this yes…i feel guilt, its like i feel that i am a bad person. outside i don’t think like this but i walk rigidely,watching my feet in fact…
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Hi @Anna10 I used to be on zyprexia and I never thought it helped me as I had so many negative symptoms. … however when I stopped taking them not only did a terrible feelings phase in but also terrible delusions which made my life even worse the episodes were extensive and embarrassing
Hope you keep up with all your mefs and its a good idea to remember all your symptoms ready for when you meet your psychiatrist
Good luck it may take a while but you will geta lot better one day… I dont bbelieve that thete ate many 100 year old sz’s
katey i have one question to you… were you more energized on zyprexa? cause i cant sleep till late and i don’t know anymore if its my illness or my zyprexa. i makemore things since i am on zyprexa, its strange for a sedative ap…or its still my psychosis? is it a bad sign or it will get better with time?
otherwise,on zyprexa i am less hatefull and less envious already… but i am stupid as a but…
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I’m 57 years old, and I haven’t done too much with my life. Maybe you need to think about where you will be when you’re my age.
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its precisely when i am thinking about the future that i get anxious… its better for me to stay in the present for now… i was miserable in my illness, looking for love from everybody and i was full of hate per moments… icant think in perspective crimby,thats the problem, i am just like overwhelmed by something… i just feel my brain in the head and cant think
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@Anna10 I have a checkered history of bad sleep patterns whether I was on mefs or not - I really feel that its best to follow your doctors advice… I was in a terrible state for many years and now im much happier and even planning to go to college in January
I guess that all im saying is that there ii a lot of hope for you and you never know what is around the corner, I know its hard but try hard to realise that the future could be very positive place for you and that you shouldn’t worry about so far off, just try to take life one day at a time
Love kate xxx