This is meant to help.
I know a lot of us get freaked out by crowds and people in general in public. And it makes us isolate. If you’re anything like me, you get self-conscious in public and you think to yourself, " I’m the ugliest one here, I’m a freak, everybody is staring at me, I’m not aware of my surroundings, everybody else knows what’s happening but me etc. All that negative crap that races through our mind.
Well, I am here to tell you, there are lots of people who are not attractive in public so relax. There are so many so-called normal people walking around who don’t know what they are doing. I try to go out every day. I see people who are so pre-occupied that they are oblivious to what’s going on around them. I don’t know what they they’re thinking but when I see these people it makes me relax and boosts my confidence.
It’s not being mean, I don’t wish them any harm but it’s like hey, these people who act like they know what’s going on aren’t perfect. It’s a circus show out there. You know what it does for me? It takes the focus off of ME. It gives me freedom to relax and calm down. And yes, it helps me fit in. It makes me less self-conscious.It gives me space in public to just look around and not be paranoid. Not everybody is a threat.
When I’m in public driving or in a drug store I see weird people. I see homeless and obviously disturbed people. I don’t take advantage of them. I could if I wanted too but I don’t. UNLESS, they are trying to scare me or take advantage of me. I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I am high functioning compared to most people in my complex. Well, they all intimidate me so I don’t mind intimidating them. And I do.
I let the women alone, they have enough of their own special problems by being the minority here. If they use me I might give them a kind of a hard look. I don’t like being used. But there’s a couple of other nice guys here. The guy I share a room with is cool. The managers told me from the start that he’s a nice guy and that he doesn’t cause any trouble. But they don’t know that he’s selling his extra medication but not to anybody here. I don’t think it’s right but I have to live here and I’m not going to rat him out but I will tell him I disapprove. Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Have a nice,
safe Christmas!