I worry that my boyfriend is the devil and that he magically turned on psychotic states in me. I feel like no one will believe me and I don’t know what to do or where to go. Like one time I thought a group of Freemasons were going to take me and my sister away for a ritual killing. I thought my boyfriend was in charge of this as the devil. Now after coming off adderall I heard a voice saying “see you in 11 years” where they will take me to North Korea and give me plastic surgery to become the dictator–one of many, they apparently do this to many people around the world.
I feel like in the past my psychologist in the hospital was checking for insight and I deliberately pretended not to have any because I thought I wouldn’t be taken seriously.
Also, my boyfriend tells me for sure I do not have mental illness. Not even borderline. And I feel like he is in charge of powerful things. I feel alone because I feel like not a lot of people know the devil and so don’t have these problems.
I guess I don’t know what to do but post things. If anyone has any advice. I’m taking medication but it doesn’t really help. When I hear voices they are quiet and sound technological. They are not external. I just feel so alone.
I also had visions of hell and heard Jewish children say that I’m going to hell. I realized that one of visions had to be false but I’m worried about the others. Since one of them I realized were false, I feel a little bit better.
If you’ve been taking your medications for awhile and are still having these delusions, I’d recommend talking to your pdoc about a med switch. They don’t appear to be working.
I have quiet voices too - like thoughts but in clear sentences with gender and volume. They are external beings in my head. But not external as in being heard thru ears.
I just worry I hear voices because I am someone more important (one of a 1000 or so people who they are picking for this plastic surgery). They say politicians hear them too. I have Capgras delusion but a senator (who isn’t sz) has this too that I read in the paper and worry that I’m just like him. My ex-boyfriend worked for the Republican Party so I’m worried it might be connected to this and my boyfriend who I think is the devil.
I feel like even if he’s the devil, that he can protect me maybe from what I’m afraid of since he’s more powerful. No he’s not really abusive. They say bipolar people believe that they have friends in high places when they actually don’t, but my ex was friends with someone who really was important.