I was diagnosed with it in my early 20s but my therapists since i turned 25 havent agreed with it. Ive been reading about it and what causes it, i had the perfect storm of a childhood that typicqlly manifests those symptoms, my parents personalities are highly dysfunctional, and i have a lot of the traits still, but i dont usually feel like im on an emotional rollercoaster. That can happen. But its confined to a short period, then my emotions level out again, it seems hormonal maybe. But my biggest problem with it is recurring suicidal thoughts.
Yeah i would say im recovered from a lot of my bpd stuff that i had in my early 20s and according to my last few therapists dont meet criteria, so theres that, but drs all have different opinions anyway, and i still have a lot to work on.
I was misdiagnosed with BPD at first, before they realized what was going on. That changed my diagnosis to NPD, and ending with what it is now.
Wanna talk similarities and differences between cluster B personality disorders? Because I can identify strong traits of all four in myself at all times.
In my mind, the biggest difference between BPD and NPD is in how we respond to emotions. BPD and NPD are VERY similar, except in how we respond to “big emotions”. A person with BPD will from 0 to 100 in a second and then stay there FOREVER. A person with NPD has been raised to suppress those emotions in order maintain an external facade of placidity. So a person with NPD will go from 0 to 100 in a second, and then immediately go for 100 to 0.
I asked my best friend once what it was like to watch me go a full 360 degrees in the time it takes someone to take a deep breath. She said it was horrifying. In trying to empathize with her, I can understand how it would be horrifying to watch someone you love go from Mirabel to Bruno to Abuela and back in a split second.
But I have a lot of the BPD traits, so I can see now how my early psychiatrists were probably very confused. I have the internal emptiness, the fear of abandonment, the self harm, the aggression and mood swings etc.
I was abused in a way that “should have” made me BPD, but because my genetic code told me to instead become NPD, my whole everything fractured and I became this weird empty shell.
I don’t like being this way BAHAHAHAHAH I PROMISE XD
I would never NEVER wish the way that I am on ANYONE.
A PSYCHOPATH IS NOT A GOOD THING FOR PERSON TO BE
That’s why it’s so disgusting to see it glamorized in the media. I HATED silence of the lambs. Hannibal Lector is NOT a tragic anti-hero. He is the villain. He is the villain protagonist. We cheer for him because we like to see that dark part of us reflected on the screen. The problem is that, for folks like me, we see Hannibal Lecter and our poor little broken brains see ourselves in him. It’s messed how someone as openly despicable as me can somehow attract people to her side just by being honest, like I am right now.
I mean in probability when you have one personality disorder you on average actually meet criteria for 3. I have traits of several of them at least but as far as officially meeting criteria ive worked so hard on myself and continue to do so every day, my ability to relate to others has majorly improved (with the exception of people that strongly remind me of my parents), and im feeling more confident in myself and taking better care of myself. I have so many diagnoses im just like who even knows anymore. Lol. I dont doubt the autism and schizoaffective diagnoses, everything else who knows.
Thats great! Dbt is wonderful. I tried taking a group dbt and i found i really didnt relate to anyone (i was really psychotic but about to hide it, and that i dont really benefit much in group settings because of my social anxiety. My last therapist of 3 years used a combination of dbt, cbt,and emdr
I have the same history, a complicated childhood, and an early borderline diagnosis which they changed to a schizotypal diagnosis since I lack all the core features of borderline, splitting, making dramas and so on.
In my case i still - like you - got the suicidal tendencies and i also got some recurring drugs & alcohol problems (typical borderline), even they don’t interfere with my health and my living in general anymore. Just a susceptibility
I just read a study in which people with a BPD diagnosis were reassessed with lengthy assessments and they found most of the people they interviewed fit into the schizophrenia spectrum, including schizotypal, and not true BPD, thus saying that BPD is over diagnosed in people with schizotypy.
Tbf i think i could have it although at a much lesser scale. My childhood wasnt the worst but it wasnt the best either my dad has a volitile personality but he was still loving and my mom is passive but she never gave her kids much attention and was always stresseed
For sure lol. Lets see… i have had MDD with psychotic features, social phobia, OCD, cPTSD, autism level 1, BPD, trichotillomania, schizoaffective depressive then switched to bipolar type, adjustment disorder, marijuana abuse disorder or whatever, at one point had a bout of agoraphobia and panic disorder
One of the reason’s why one of my early diagnoses was DID was because I appear to have as many as five distinct “personalities”. But they’re not whole-clothe personality constructs, like in an actual DID. I don’t secretly live a double life. Instead, it’s like I have four unique “personas”, all of them me, but each one triggered by a specific emotional state and social context.
Yeah i do agree that sounds more like a PD thing. I have felt i do that at times but i dont feel that way much anymore since ive spent a lot of time working on building a stronger sense of self. Now i just feel like i act awkward all the time and im trying to just be ok with it since it feels like who i am truly am
Same, except that my awkwardness was a mask to hide my insecurities. When I’m feeling self-assured and self-confident, as I am post-therapy? I’m actually a pretty cool person, it turns out XP lol
ive worked so hard on myself and continue to do so every day, my ability to relate to others has majorly improved (with the exception of people that strongly remind me of my parents), and im feeling more confident in myself and taking better care of myself. I have so many diagnoses im just like who even knows anymore. Lol. I dont doubt the autism and schizoaffective diagnoses, everything else who knows.