Hello everyone i want to share something,as i was diagnosed with Schizophrenia for about 8-9 years ago but now i am taking regular medication & my condition is quite well now but yesterday while i was alone in my home suddenly i woke up & tears were rolling down through my eyes but for no reason & i was alone i started talking to myself .First let me explain my condition from past few years before
Firstly i used to have Cannabis daily cause it was the only way to escape pain & reality for a short period of time i was only happy when i am high so i used to intoxicate myself very often lets say one after another soon after some time after few months i heard a voice a female voice in my head but i thought it came from the building next door to mine…firstly i ignored that voice but soon i talking to that voice……it was fun for some time but after few months i became addicted to that voice ,i don’t how but i was communicating with that voice in a daily basis but i never saw her i told her that plzz come to see me in person…but she wont so i accepted it & was conversing with that voice but it only happens while i was being high & after some time different personalities were coming to me i mean as i was a loner with actually zero social connections i was having conversations with different voices in my head but they all have one thing in common they liked her voice & each of my personalities would to to impress her in their own unique way & each having different approach & abilities but all of it was in my head only…
So usually when having weed i start talking to myself with a totally new person…and As i get more high i converse with a total of 5 or 6 different persons…& the conversation would be sparkling(to me HAHA)…then i later realized i have the power of implementing personalities from real world…okay okay i know what i am saying …just hear me out…suppose you are seeing movie you like in which i like a person or admired then i will implement his personality into me & same goes for the persons in real life…so in short i played different personalities when i am high& that’s why i miss weed so much but i have made contract with reality not to do anymore…lemme explain how my imaginations works
sometimes i imagine that i am working at a cake factory & every day she used to come to my shop & when she will i just would just stare at her in slow motion(HAHAHA)…she will always come to me & ask for her favorite cake & eat & will go…& heart will go just zoo zoo zoo…
sometimes my imagination takes me to beautiful girl who has a voice of an angel everyone wants to see her sing,she is a famous singer & i am just a light boy or whatever it called( hold the spotlight ) but there’s a twist as she is singing he every day notices tears cause the girl who actually sings is behind the curtains as he notices her she is the most innocent girl with a voice of an angel but the world doesn’t know about her …
sometimes i think that i am a tourist guide at mountains drinking tea when suddenly a bus arrives & a beautiful girl was coming out of the bus & it was like love at first sight…fortunately their tour guide was suppose to be me…& as we were riding i just can’t take my eyes off …when we arrived at hill station she was bending over the fence observing the beauty of mountains & suddenly our eyes meet & she was blushing & had a smile …
But yesterday memories began to come down on me as i was lonely for a long time but after a long time i actually have a real girl in my life & shes’s really pretty also but i just cant forget about that voice in my head & all the memories i had with her,i just cant get her out of mind even being sober i thought that after this many years i would be able to break free i just cant… & all but i like her & don’t want to miss this time…
WHAT TO DO HELP PLEASE ??