i see… 
so we are the ■■■■■■ up finally… yeah… maybe she had her part of hard life too. its not nothing to be beaten by his own husband… but sometimes the words like go out and do things dont work for me…
Anna i’ve read some of your posts and you’ve had a hard time, a very hard time
but don’t think you’re the only one
many of us have had hard times, like trauma and abuse. physical and sexual abuse etc
me i had cancer when i was young and that was pretty tough
don’t think you’re the only one having a hard time, yeh
often the way a person appears on the OUTSIDE is very different from how she is on the inside
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ok, ive heard my mother on this. she told me the same thing ok… i know i know. the depressives ones are tough to communicate with, i guess…
you’re dismissing me 
tell me how you have it worse than the rest of us?
i’ve been a hermit and spent many years indoors
yes you could say i’ve “wasted” my best years. i say ■■■■ it
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perhaps you expect a lot from yourself and from life? you expect the same thing a “normie” would
that’s ok, but it’s a lot harder to achieve things when you have a severe mental illness?
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yes, i expect too much. plus i still lament myself sometimes on the fact that i am ill since my 10 years old age… i would really want a normal and happy life. nothing more ive accepted this state since 4 months ago. before, ive struggled with this and that’s the reason ive changed so much my meds… i saw my ex pdoc in 2011 and ive accepted my condition just 4 months ago… but now, i should learn even to walk, even to talk wow
i was a normie for a moment too, i know that and sometimes it freaks me out… we’'ll see, maybe the time will be on my side. you are supportive here, i have you(2 forums ) my mother for now and one friend who is ill but sometimes i am still jealous of her :/.
yeh it’s a funny thing, even tho’ we have a severe mental illness we still expect ourselves to act like we didn’t
in the past i was too much attentive to every relief. i try to avoid that now cause i have too many strange things in the had for whom the meds dont work… i now think that psychiotherapy or psychoanalysis could really help me faster for a relief… but my mother is so opposed to it… wow, i think i cant love anymore and its great to love wow heh, younger ive just had tachuchardia from love, i was shaky and stressed out wow, not a nice feeling
I see you as someone caught up in rumination, and letting it keep you from improving. I think there might even be some comfort in it for you, to believe that your situation is the worst and you that you suffer the most. But I see that getting in the way of you making things better for yourself.
There’s a very blunt, cold saying in English, used when we find ourselves brooding too much over something we feel isn’t fair, to the point where the brooding is hurting us: “You can get over it, or you can die that way.” It’s said to make us think about whether we want to spend the rest of our lives dwelling on things. It’s used when sympathy can’t do us any more good.
So I guess I’d ask you, when you’re old and ready to die, do you want to feel like you do now, angry about the same things, sitting in the same bed? If not, what would you like to change? How can you make that happen?
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Abifity is good for negative symptoms
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i am not angry anymore, i am just too scared rhubot… I am shaky when I see people, maybe it can improve yes
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You’re absolutely right.
You will do it when you want to. Don’t do it just because you have to.
I can greet someone and smile at them when I have to, but not in the long run.
I think you try to convince yourself and others that you’re miserable, you’re stuck on this loop since you joined, and you will only get better when you realize that you need to crawl out of this loop. It’s not easy, never is, but it’s possible.
I see your situation in two opposite directions, in one direction you’re heading for a lifetime of misery because you will put yourself in that situation. In another direction, this is the one I’m hoping for, you’ll leave that comfortably uncomfortable mindset and be serious about recovery.
I bitch a lot about my life, here, with friends, with family, and I realize that. So I’m trying to keep it low. People here, including me, had it worse than you growing up and in the teenage years. But we don’t give up, we don’t dwell on our misery, we don’t try to convice others that we’re lost cases. If we did that, we would be doomed. In that light, we presevere. We come clean with our issues and we move forward, not backwards.
That’s a lesson you’re going to have to learn on your own, and noone can help you, only guide you. But you need to walk that path by yourself, not with your family, not with your friends, not with us, alone. And that’s alright, it’s how we grow.
Good luck Anna.
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It is scary, isn’t it?
Practice here. Read other people’s threads and reply to them. Hang out in the Lounge, try to joke around with other posters, talk about their families, their hobbies, their pets.
A lot of us spend time there because it is scary to talk to people, to go out. We’re out of practice and afraid. So we connect with each other and try to get comfortable socializing here.
People here are caring and forgiving, because we understand what it’s like. Come hang out with us!
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