I dont want to speak against my mother but she thinks that ill be forever alone… she says that there is no schizophrenic who is happy. she says also that I am from the negative szs and that is even worse that the schizophrenics with positive symptoms… idk, I am alone and I am tired to struggle… what for? everybody ran away from me, but yes,i even cant go outside so who will be with me???
maybe I want too much from life, what do you think? but its not a life, at my house I have peace yes. but its still hard cause I cant even enjoy a movie on my computer… maybe I need time, more than an year? my mom is the typical normie. she regrets to got married to my father, she said that if she knew he is ill she never would married him… and she doesn’t believe in the happiness in families where one of the persons is ill… and me, I also wonder how do you do it and for god sake, why I am so unhappy???
You have just one life.Don’t focus on negative stuff about illness.Enjoy autumn.
yeah but the meds dont work on me. but without them I am like an animal… I am fuckingly unhappy, how do you want from me to enjoy life? my mom is killing me… maybe I suffer from stigma too. here, even the pdocs are saying that we are a lost cause…
At the end you alone decide how your life would go on.
with all that I have in my head I am not sure that I can control my life. stop saying that’s its my fault to be like this…I have no life because of the sz…
Fuckingly, great word!
I’m not saying it’s your fault.It took me 15 years to became calm.Not all time is easy.What I wanted to say is find something positive in your life and stick to that.Everything needs time.Don’t spread around,focus first on your health.First time I was at psychiatrist,it was 23 years ago,he told me first to throw the garbage every morning for two weeks.I was at university translating something on English.What do you mean how it was shocking for me.But after twenty years I know he was right.Start with a small things everyday.
yeah @NiceHat, ill try to calm me down. maybe my meds will work after years…
sorry @anon61768033 but my mom became desperate because of me. she keeps saying that ill have nothing in life. neither friends, neither job, neither family 
Can you start by going out in the garden?
Sitting there n having a cup of tea or other drink n get fresh air n sun for a little while.
I also wonder if I will be alone much longer n who can one trust etc but I keep the faith .
Someday somehow…
You are able to use Internet which could be good .
I sont watch tv either really.
Maybe you can get s treadmill.
I hope to buy one soon.
Let her talk…it’s only thing she can do.You can’t except more love from parents.You will realize that through time…
I think its just the matter of finding an understanding life mate. I met my partner many years before I got sick or we got together. we became a couple two years before I got sick. the only reason I am miserable now is my in laws.
I have schizophrenia and I’m happy. The dichotomy in your post strikes an empathetic cord in me and probably many other schizophrenics too .
On one hand we feel despair and hopelessness. On the other hand we expect a lot from ourselves. Which means there is at least a small part of us that knows things can get better and it means we have hope.
We have these feelings that we’re capable of a lot and in our mind we are. So the old saying goes: (to paraphrase): Trust the mind and the body will follow. On one hand we think we can’t get anything while at the same time we are sure we can. The secret is balance. You won’t get everything you want. But you can sure get something. The balance is to compromise, and negotiate in your own mind and don’t think in absolutes and don’t think that the world is "all or nothing"or don’t think in “black and whites” You can’t have everything but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get some things. A small part of us knows that we are just as good as everybody else. And that’s a healthy way to think.
No offense to your mom but does she just expect you to just roll over and give up? Because she is probably a nice person but basically she is mistakenly telling you to give up forever because there is no hope for you. That is inaccurate because I’ve seen too many people who have been told the same thing and a year later they are going to movies with a friend or out to coffee. We are humans . This means we grow and change and evolve and adapt. Your mom can’t predict the future. Even the most unlikable people have friends. That’s the way the world works.
I see guys. yes, I want too much love from her. its just that she sees that I dont go out and she says that she cant see a progress because of this… these days I was just afraid that meds will stop me from having a sanity but maybe I really need them yes. I am a bit too close with her,with my mom, its maybe because of my past…
she cant stand anymore to hear me complaining. ive done it a lot in front of her for these past years. at the beginning she was just listening me but now she is saying that she cant do it anymore…
I know, I know, I want too much. plus, I want some normie life and the things are not so normies wow… maybe ill handle to live without a man. and maybe I dont even want it… I just need some joy from life and my personality back,that is something which will be great.
I cry here because of my symptoms. when its bad, its like I feel my brain in my head and it drives me crazy. its the thing who makes me irascible, ill see if it can get better with time.
thanks to all of you for the support… the anger toward my mom is not good but whatever, ill take my meds 
so sorry Anna. I’ve been where I’m stuck sitting at home with endless discomfort. The only escape seeming to be sleep. I don’t want to sound like a broken record but finding some coping skill or activity could help. Something that works for you. I used to endlessly watch Netflix, drink tea, and eat cake and pizza. It helped at the time it was better than jumping off a bridge. I didn’t have any friends at the time either in real life. It’s easy to make bad friends when you are desperate for friends so be careful. If what you’re doing isn’t working all you can really do is try something else.
With the exception of my family I am kinda alone right now too. However that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. After I have held a job for a year I am going to trying and woo women all over again. I will fall flat on my face but I will still keep trying. I will still keep trying to have friends too. I seem to have left on good terms with all my prior friends(they drifted away). But I will try to forge new friendships and rekindle old ones. That seems to be the human experience. Try and fail then try again. You never know you may actually succeed but that seems a little less important.
Often really awful people have loads of friends and truly genuinly nice people have none or possibly “in spirit” or they just keepin da hope…
People might not like genuinly good people because they might be pretty bad and lie everyday and want others to lie and incite hate with and be crooks and nasty with even though looking nice n good.
I do not have friends in person either.
But it can be good to be alone as eeee says you may not want be with people bad to n for ya.
You have your family anyway which may be good even though your mothers words might not feel good.
You have this forum.
Could you tell your mum about some success stories of schizos on forum who have partners, friends and some work as well or others on pension but still manage have some quality life moments.
Do you have internet friends you chat with live?
I dont and am only on this forum.
Am on pof but doesnt feel right n think other woman posed as me maliciously.
I chat once a month at least with my mum that they say is my mum but i dont think they are my real family and theyve been up to mischief but i still love her.
Do you like cooking?
Baking?
Well, you have this site and us to write to anyway and youve gotten quiet few replies yeah.
@Truemist8, I told to my mother that there are some success stories here and she said that those are probably the ‘‘positive’’ schizophrenics(those who has positive symptoms and not negative like mines). she said also that this are bad familys cause sz make the others unhappy. I dont know why she talks like this, maybe she Is desperate by me…the other of her theory is that some schizophrenics succeed to hide their illness from their partners. that’s all. yeah… but you know, I want so much not to be alone that it can piss off everybody around me, its some form of mania of mine wow maybe my destiny will be tough but yes, I have this forum, maybe ill succeed to achieve some better quality of life. I would like just some more strength, some more hope and maybe some emotions because I dont enjoy life or others anymore wow… I want to live also
take care
There’s a new med in development. It’s called min-001 and it’s supposed to keep positive symptoms stable and dramatically help negative symptoms.
http://ir.minervaneurosciences.com/releasedetail.cfm?releaseid=972955
So if this makes it to market, then I would say this could help you.
Keep fighting Anna1.