This is the craziest I have ever felt since I got ill a year and a half ago. I have clocked hours talking to my audience. It’s always in private, so I guess I am not ‘that’ crazy, but it’s still an insane way to behave. I feel compelled. It’s like an OCD. Usually I do it but can curtail it pretty good. The last 2 days though it has affected my ability to do my homework even. I don’t remember it being that bad. I’m always a little nutty but this is straight up f*king cray. I always acknowledge my delusional audience but the last 2 days have been exaggerated for me. Nothing anyone can do about it. I go to therapy and I take my meds. I will bring it up when I see my therapist again. I am also going to take an extra 1mg risperidone tonight. I talk about everything from my abusive childhood to my theories on improving human behavior through voluntary training to how pissed I am that I can’t have my money to give to my poor, suffering family.
I am venting. I wish my brain would stop feeling so compelled. It really is like an OCD for me. Difficult to overcome.