To think my mind is doing this to itself

It still baffles me.

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I’m supposed to just endure this bs. Nothing in science or religion can help me. No difference in mental or physical behavior will stop this. Ha hahahahhaha ■■■■. This ■■■■ sucks.

I’m so sorry Bryan. You try so hard.

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I wish there was something I could do for you Bryan. Hang in there man!

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Thanks guys it’s just good to know you care.

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Wow yeah this is my thought process like every other day. It swaps between that and trying to be positive and accepting about it all.

Sometimes I just wonder about where the heck all the really, really awful stuff is coming from. I remember one of the reasons why I was shocked and didn’t believe my experiences were psychosis was because I didn’t think my brain was capable of making such awful things happen. I had no idea where it would come from.

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I do keep having small bouts of time where I’m in control and not at the whims of this psychosis.

I still think it’s real most of the time, which probably doesn’t help. I’m stuck in a very difficult mental game, but at this point it’s clear I’m going to win. Telepathy be damned.

I’m probably delusional but it doesn’t change anything. I hear what I hear and it is like they are all telepathic assholes…

At least, just in case, I keep all the details to myself.

I’m confident all this ridiculously stupid thinking will be in my past one day. Maybe a year from now, maybe just a couple weeks. Have to stop defending yourself and fall silent, trust yourself and stop being self conscious.

It’s getting easier but I know that the road go both ways it is possible to fall backwards.

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