Some people do better off vs on meds. By better, that does not mean your life will be perfect. Accepting and working around your limitations is key.
People who are not sick are not perfect either. You may have to learn to be around people you trust. You may have to find an easy setting with no triggers or conflict.
For me, conflict is a big trigger.
Being on meds was not a sustainable state for me. In future there may be atypical antipsychotics like lumateperone and roluperidone. These medications will likely eliminate many of the issues we face with the currently available drugs.
It may be long in the future, but CBD is also another possibility. CBD is a compound in cannabis which some have argued would help with the types of symptoms you are struggling from.
Look at it this way…human interaction may be more than people like us can manage at times. I know it is for me.
It is not that we are less than normal people, we are just wired a bit differently than they are. Like any rare disease, parts of our social control center (the brain) are off, and as such, we might find modern life hard to manage.
This is not a failing on our part. We must simply find a way to build a supportive community of people around us who can help us pick ourselves up when we cannot handle the things other people might be able to hurdle past.
This is what we must do to survive. Rather than fighting, we must rely on our smarts, as well as those around us, to make it.
Where someone else might make it because they feel no anxiety, we must find a different way of making it.
We might have to stay home on days other people show up. We might have to rely on certain medications at times. We may have to have a dialogue with our fellow sufferers. We may have to have a dialogue with our psychiatrists and caregivers.
We may have to learn patience. We may have to reconcile that we might need to take a passive rather than active role in life at times. We may have to forget our egos in the interest of survival.
Having this illness is a full time job. These things I’ve written are lessons I am trying to learn myself.