Bad couple of days

I get this anxiety when ever I don’t speak for a few days. It really irritates me that I don’t have a friend that I can talk to. No one to ask how your day was, no one who I can talk to about how I planted my seeds today because the were sprouting. No one to talk about how the hospital called me and laid out a bunch of rules that I have to follow, how my surgery is on Friday, and I’m sort of excited. The nurse gave me some sort of odd rules that are sort of personal and funny at the same time. I don’t have anyone to just converse with and tell them about my bust day, how I cleaned my apartment all day and it is now spotless but I’m extremely exhausted from all the work. How I’ve been up early and haven’t stopped moving since then. How I’ve been arguing with my roommate. How I’ve never felt like such a huge piece of garbage in my life. How he says the meanest things to me. How he comes into my room in the middle of the night screaming at me to wake up just so he can insult me and tell me about how horrible of a person I am. How sometimes I bottle up these feelings of depression and will never admit to anyone especially my doctor or my room mate about how I sometimes dream about dying how I wish I didn’t have to be alive because living is like torture. How I wish I could get one good cut. But I would never do that again because instead of regretting it for the right reasons I would regret it because I would be made to feel horrible by people and shamed. The one thing I wished for today was that someone just asked how my day was. And that the worst thing that I have to go through every day is being around people all the time, but never talking to them, being ignored and feeling unappreciated. Id rather feel alone because I never see anyone rather than feel alone because the people I’m around don’t talk to or acknowledge me and act like the don’t care that I’m around. I hate that when I feel all bottled up and that I need to talk to someone I think of all the people I know and cant think of a single person that would be understanding or even listen to me period.

sorry its going so rough for you. if i were around you i would notice you a lot. you are a very nice looking gal. i too can relate to feeling alone and how no one to ask how my day is…well I have 1 friend but I don’t see him enough. My only friends aren’t really real idk I just wanna escape this world. We’re here for you though. If you ever need someone to talk to just come here, we’d be glad to ask how your day was :blush:

I hope you feel better. -TTP

Do you have to live with him? That is not normal behaviour.

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Maybe you should get an online friend who you can talk to on the phone. It is better than nothing.

I find personally I feel the most healthy when I at least have a friend to talk to on the phone or computer headset on a regular basis.

Yeah I live with him, he’s a raging and abusive alcoholic

Sorry to hear this.

Here’s a bunny :rabbit:

Is he your boyfriend?I know you must have some loyalty to him. But do you really think he’s going change? If he doesn’t somehow get help for his alcoholism then things will probably not get better.

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If it’s just a roommate, find a better one. That is unacceptable.

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im sorry you had a bad day-you can always talk here...I know its not the same. Maybe call your family.
Thats wrong that this roomate wakes you in the middle of the night! You dont need that…

Yeah, he is my boyfriend. The only reason why I’ve been putting up with it is because I cant afford the apartment without him and I can afford to break the lease. So I have to wait till the lease expires till I can move away. I don’t know where I’ll go though. Disability doesn’t pay much.

You will always have this site to do your venting. It’s not person to person contact, but it still helps. I think that feeling of being worthless is something many of us share. It goes with sz. You have a lot on the ball, and many people would be glad to call you their friend. I agree with Nick. Your roommate is a creep. Find somebody else to live with.

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Just out of curiosity, how much more time is on your lease? I’m not sure about this, but I think under certain conditions, you can break lease without having to pay it off. It MIGHT be a law. I’m not sure. Maybe you could call a lawyer.

tell you what can help when you feel like this chat rooms this is a good one depression understood chat. theres always someone there to talk to.

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Its not for very long, it will be over at the beginning of August. I’m not too sure what I’ll do then, because the place I have now is basically as cheap as you get in my area.

I’m so sorry things have been bad for you. I wish I had seen your post earlier. I’m here if you need a friend.
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had to deal with abuse too. And the loneliness.
There are women’s shelters for those in a Domestic Violence situation. I know it isn’t the best solution but at least you wouldn’t be homeless.
What kind of seeds did you plant? I haven’t started any this year. Too depressed to take care of little baby plants.
I’ve been feeling exactly like you with the depression bottled up inside and feeling like no one cares. I kind of had a breakdown this week. I was thinking about writing about it on here but I worry that someone might say something mean.
You aren’t a horrible person or a piece of garbage. That’s terrible that he’s saying those kinds of things to you and making you feel so bad. I know it’s terribly difficult to not let his words get to you. I’m dealing with a similar situation with my ex-fiance. He tells me that I’m the most evil horrible person on earth. I know how much pain you are feeling.
I hope your surgery goes well on Friday.
I’m around if you need someone to talk to.

You’re a good looking girl. I’m sure you can find someone who treats you with respect and dignity and maybe you and that person can move in together. Have you tried signing up for the Section 8 program?

Thank you, I’m sure it wont be too hard, but my biggest problem is finding someone that doesn’t drink. I don’t drink at all. My boyfriend reassures me that everyone in the world drinks and its normal to abuse it the way he does. It always makes me second guess things. But who knows. I haven’t heard of the Section 8 program, but I have the time now to look into it.

I’m sorry you have been going through something similar. Its pretty hard to deal with when you don’t have any other support. Some times I find that the situation is so degrading and embarrassing that you don’t want to tell people. I’ve heard people in my shoes and often wondered why they don’t just leave there abuser but now that I’ve been in that situation I just don’t usually tell people knowing that they will probably think the same thing I used to. I planted some flower seeds. I have some pink flowers and blue flowers and purple ones. I have no yard or garden so they will all be in pots.

No not everybody drinks. I’ve been going to AA for 25 years and I’ve met a thousand people who do their best not to drink. And not everybody who does drinks abuses it. So don’t second-guess yourself.
Section 8 is a program that finds low-cost housing for low income people. You sign up for it and they put you on a list. When your name comes up you are eligible for whatever type of housing in your area is part of that program. You can get some nice housing this way. Right now I live by myself in Section 8 housing. My rent is 1/3 of my income which is $600. These studios normally rent for $1600. I don’t know if Section 8 is a federal program or just state-by-state. When I signed up for it ten years ago the waiting list had about 2800 people on it. But this lady told me that they do not do the list in order. It’s more of a lottery type deal.