I don’t know. So many times in my life, I have felt punished, damned, doomed, cursed, very very bad. Right now, I feel punished because my mother is giving me a hard time over opening an email and seeing if she can open it so it can be printed for me. It is about a release from my previous mental health clinic for the medical records to be sent to my present mental health clinic. I need to know so if there is a problem I can let my former therapist know. My present therapist has been waiting for six months to get this records. She also wants to tell me what car to buy. I told her that I was working with my banker and insurance company to find the car to fit me; but, she wants to stick her head into it. My banker says to “keep her in the loop.” I will until my head and stomach hurt so much no medicine can remedy it. She likes to say; “Well, you do you want to. I’ll do what I want to- even about the littlest thing-even about something that might cause my stomach and head to hurt.” Sometimes, I want to shout; “I HATE YOU!” But, that would be worse for me than for her. She would only say I was “hurting” her. I am learning that to criticize another is to criticize yourself. I believe this to be to be true; but when you are hurt, angry, upset, etc. what do you do? My stomach hurts and when I got off the telephone with the insurance company, I took 4 Tylenol to quell my growing headache. I did not tell my mother that; but, I know she does not care. She only cares about how something will affect her!
sadness is normal…
i used to have depression …now i do get sad occasionaly …it is a big improvement.
know someone cares 
take care 
I’m sorry @Greykitten you’ve been going through all this. You are not alone. I have felt like this many times and I know how it feels. Others just can’t handle our situation and it shouldn’t hurt us. They are only selfish, they are not bad. I think we hurt more than a woman loosing her child, but we use delusions to cover this pain. When you say you only blame yourself when you want to say “i hate you” to your mother, for me you shouldn’t blame anyone and especially yourself. You don’t deserve that.
Well I don’t know exactly if I’m feeling sad or depression or beyond that. Maybe it’s the last one, I feel it every day and it hurts. Maybe it’s the med change I did. Thanks for caring.
I’m melancholy often.
I understand. Do meds work for you at least? Because this is the start and end of our illness.
Some what. My pdoc reduced my antidepressant my last hospitalization for some reason though…Must be doing better then I realize.
Because our meds are there to cover our pain and take our delusions away…I didn’t know that. Mine don’t do this, that’s why, 'cos they don’t work for me. But if they worked for someone, why would he be depressed or sad? Well, ok it’s the stigma too, but if you are well, you look well and others don’t notice.
My pdoc told me that its called dysthymia. Which literally means “bad mood”.
My definition of sadness:
I just ate the whole ■■■■■■■ box of an ice cream.
You mean you have dysthymia, or everyone here? Because I don’t think so about everyone. I think it’s about meds, only, if meds work for us, we can have a normal life, else, we are … up, we experience sadness, pain, depression, melancholy, stress and many other bad things all together.
I mean as a medical term. A constant feeling of lower mood or sadness. They call dysthymia.
Oh, I see, thanks. Maybe I have it, idk.
@redrose i am feeling the same here .may god visit this earth soon…thanks
Im rarely sad. If I have a bad day I just listen to some 80’s music. The best medicine.
Turn the raaaadio up
For that sweet sound
Hold me close close never let me go
Keep this feeling alive
Make me lose control
I wish that too sometimes but now I don’t believe in god again. At least I don’t believe he will come to save us. We must hope for a new medicine to go out. I’m sick of people as well. There is one pain caused by the illness and another one caused by people, no one can understand if they haven’t experienced it. I 'm telling these to you since you are “new” to this illness. I just hope it wouldn’t happen to good people like us!
I’ m happy for you, brucewillis, do you have good friends that help you? 'Cos that counts too except from the medicines.
@redrose so niece u seems to be very kind hearted, i used to be same before but this sz ■■■■ turned me in to devil and satan… sorry 4 that…have a good time ahead…
Yes I have quite a few good friends to keep me happy. Friends are the most important thing I think. For everyone not just people with schizophrenia. I hope you dont feel sad to often
Sometimes I am kind hearted sometimes I 'm like the devil, too, like most of people. Maybe most people are bad most of the times to people like us though. Or idk, maybe they can’t handle the severity of our problem, or they are just evil as I used to think. I 'm saying that because I think that if someone is bad at certain people, they are bad completely, but my doctor says that people are both bad and good, so, I can’t figure out.
thats vivid insight…lol…@redrosee