I’ m sorry for that. I hope it becomes better, 'cos you don’t deserve to be sad. It’s good that you have many interests.
To me happiness is a feeling rather than a state of being. I think the longest I’ve been just happy overall (since past age 10 when things started going downhill for me) was the last month of hs maybe, where I had been accepted to college, had a job, a boyfriend, schoolwork was winding down as I’d finished everything and I was generally well-liked at school.My symptoms didn’t act up at all either.
Generally now I just feel happiness briefly like I’ll start out with a good morning, and then something will happen and I’ll be down again. But I learned how to ride those moments of happiness and hang onto the them until I get to the next one so I’m ok. When I stopped trying so hard to be happy and focus my life around trying to make me happy I think things actually got better for me, just because the fact that I wasn’t usually happy ceased to make me upset, if that makes sense.
I am sorry you aren’t feeling better yet; but, I am sure you will soon! Do you have a “pet” “Petting” or talking to my beloved cat always makes feel better. You are right-no one ever knows how we really feel. Do you have a hobby? That might help. I am thinking of taking one up. I have several craft kits sitting around my apt I need to investigate. Another idea is to find a good book and that interests you and loose yourself into it! I know you will feel better soon. I am confident. I have to go now; as I have an appointment ths afternoon. I will check back in with you later today. Very Good Luck!
I understand what you say @Anna. I just wish there was a cure for us, it’s more than pain as Greykitten wrote and it’s double pain, because of the stigma, too. I wish there will come good days for all of us, we don’t deserve this life. I went out and looked at the sun and felt better a bit.
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Thanks, @Greykitten. With the help of you and other people here I can be stronger and it’s the first time I felt that the sun gave me some strength and made me feel better. I am not 100% well, but I 'm better. Sometimes I wish those people that make us feel so badly had the illness themselves, they really deserve it.
@Anna, @Greykitten, @Wave, do you think we might be punished for our characters? For example, I told a friend of mine that someone called me a zero and retard, because this is why I got this pain again, I started by being sad and it hit me in the illness, and she said, would you say that to a person? And I told her yes, I would say it but not like that, because I don’t believe in the value of people, I believe they are all bad. And I remember that I had told my ex that he didn’t deserve anything, maybe I hurt him too much by it, and I am evil, too, and I get punished for that.
I don’t think so. Not because I don’t deserve to be punished for certain aspects of my character (there are some nasty parts of me I hide from the world, same as anyone else) but because I just don’t think life works like that. There are plenty of awful people WAY worse than us who aren’t punished in any way at all you know?
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depressed, actually…
@Anna I have thought about what you say. I was talking to a friend of mine, and she spoke very wisely. She told me we are all creatures of God, and as far as I know, since we have values as people and we were born good, maybe there is a God that punishes us. I thought there couldn’t be a God that has made us bad, but since it works like this, we become bad in the going, that means it’s our choice. Maybe we are punished because God loves us and He wants us to go to Heaven. I agree about the nasty parts that we all have and hide them from the world.
Why are you depressed?
i have depression along with everything else wrong with me…
Maybe you should try to love yourself? What else is wrong with you? Do you want to talk about it?
I don’t see it as a punishment so much as a way to grow and gain experience. Everyone has different lessons to learn in life.
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Maybe I don’t know.
I have psychosis, depression, anxiety, ASD, and PTSD all put together.
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I understand, I have many disorders myself, too. That’s why I try to find out what’s wrong with me to deserve all these, that’s why I am having this conversation. Do you believe you are doing something wrong? Whether this is a sin or some wrong behavior that leads you to feel unhappy? For example, if you hurt someone and he hurt you back.
I do believe I’m being punished by Him. I feel as though I am going to hell, that I deserve to go to hell, for everything I’ve done…
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I saw parts of a documentary just the other day about all the suffering the Jews and others who were at the German concentration camps (during world war two) were made to go through and it’s sad that we try so much to feel good at times. I don’t think anyone can really be truly happy until all the unjust suffering in this world ends once and for all.
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I don’t know if there is a God finally, sometimes I believe some others not, if there is though, He only wants us to regret our bad actions. If you regret your bad actions, you will go to Heaven, and don’t hear what other people say, because they say it, it doesn’t mean it’s correct or God’ s will. Maybe there is no God though, and there is a karma. I don’t know, I just kind of collect opinions and I hope I 'll end up to one finally.
No not at the moment
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