I’ve always been considered a nice guy. A long time ago I used to get told I was “too nice,” but that hasn’t been the case for a while. That used to frustrate me so much.
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great review.
i feel kindness matters. although my reason for being kind may be selfish= i think attitudes come back to us=that karma is real.
kindness though does have boundaries. people assume they should wipe their feet on a doormat. i pretended to be a doormat, and when i stood up it was shocking. i wasn’t trying to be deceitful, i was trying to be a valuable player on a team i hoped would lose. all of a sudden i was considered a real threat. not what a person that suffers psychosis needs.
i hope things go good for you. people that are positive draw people like a moth to a flame.
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I consider myself alright, my dad says I’m the nicest person he’s ever met. I’m that one friend who’s friendly and is loyal, always standing by their side.
But the thing is, it doesn’t pay off for me. It works out great in the start, but then people start to see my illness and they shy away, call me annoying, or begin to bully/take advantage of me.
Now I am shy. IN the past I was aggressive, whether on purpose or not. I still have tantrums, but now I don’t break things, I just punch myself. This is in the comfort of my home, but that’s more of a personal issue I have.
Over the years I’ve changed a lot. Now I laugh at jokes at myself, try to make fun in dark moments, and make everyone happy, even those who hurt me, because it doesn’t bother me anymore. That’s THEIR issue, not mine.
But what hurts is my friends turning their backs on me. Having schizo is so hard for me to make/keep friends, because I always go through delusions that they hate me and I end up ruining the friendship, or I’m too “excited” for them and they label me as annoying, stupid, slow, etc., especially since I’m very curious, so I’m judged when I pick up a seed from the ground I’ve never seen before.
It’s hard, I’m not going to lie. But I still try to be nice, even though people hate me
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It really depends. Usually I’m really nice and friendly and kind and love everyone. But other times I’m swallowed by hatred and I think or sometimes say terrible things (kill yourself, I hope your entire family dies in front of you, ect) but after I feel guilty for the most part.
It’s hard lately so I find myself being more and more negative and wishing death or worse on strangers. I get very intense feelings. Either I love somebody and I would die for them or I hate them and want them to suffer for eternity. I feel like I have an uncontrollable cancerous hate that will only bring me pain and misfortune. It’s sad because I used to be the sweetest. And I do believe in the power of positive thought and karma and all that, I just cannot for the life of me get out of my negative thinking patterns.
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I am exactly like you so you are not alone.
Exercise and a lot of medication is helping so
You should realize - it is not you who is hateful. It is the illness interferes with your judgement. You are still sweet and lovely 
you need to find the right medication to get rid of the negativity which could be intrusive thoughts 
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I’ve been told it a lot. I thought I was a mean kid but when I told my sister this about a month ago she told me I was a nice kid growing up. I do hate certain people sometimes but it’s not a main trait of mine. One problem I have is that when I’m too nice, people can tell I’m ill. If I am too friendly to some people they think somethings wrong and the next thing I know they are giving me a “look” which I know by now means they know for sure I’m ill.
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Selene is right. I think it is just the illness messing with your emotions. I know I have emotions erupt sometimes too.
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I hate the look. What can you do to erase it? Nothing.
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