Schizophrenia.com

I feel better when i am nice

when I feel like a nice person I feel so much better. sometimes it is so difficult to be nice inside and out especially the inside part. but I want it. like I feel better much better as a nice person on the inside not just outside but lately it has been very hard for me.

when the world dishes out stigma and prejudice it is hard, real hard to feel good about the people around me. I feel it is important though and I am working on it.

judy

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Sometimes I wish I was meaner then I am just to defend myself. But the rare time I scare someone does not feel as good as being nice to people.

me too judy it depends on my illness what mood im going to be in. sometimes i try and be like oh opk im in one of those moods better take it easy.

if you are kind and loving that is everything.
take care

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When I feel better I am nice.

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I’m sorry to hear that the people around you are dishing out stigma and treating you with prejudice. I hope they stop soon and realize that they still know you and you’re still you.

Don’t we all? Being nice enables me to disarm all my hatred flowing inside distorting my mind and the way I do things. I think clearer when I am nice. And nice to others.

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i consider myself to b a nice person but some people deserve everything they get i feel. i try and b nice as much as i can to most people but if they r toxic then i cut them out of my life completely. as for my abusers, i hope they rot in hell and suffer all manner of ills b4 they die. cruel may be but anyone who can torture a child doesn’t deserve to b treated as human i don’t think. i hope they die terrible deaths and suffer eternal damnation…if god exists.

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I used to show signs of psychopathic deviance but now I test in the 99th percentile for conscientiousness. I still have a very short fuse, if someone yells and cusses at me, I yell back twice as loud. I am very nice to people I meet, and my friends can rely on me for favors and such. I try to be different than how I was when I was diagnosed, and I scored in the 75th percentile for psychopathic deviance when I took the MMPI-2. I have come a long way and attribute that score to being psychotic and having poor insight into my illness (I wasnt even diagnosed) when I took that evaluation. I have taken online personality tests and now I come up in the 85th percentile for aggression but 99th percentile for conscientiousness.

So how do those numbers work out? Well I am an amateur powerlifter, so that’s where all of my aggression goes, into the barbell. I am pretty docile and friendly unless someone just outright verbally attacks me, then I yell back twice as loud. I have a conflicted personality, you could say. On the DISC personality inventory I took in school, I tested extremely highly for both compliance and dominance and zero for submission and inducement, so that makes no sense…but the stereotype for people with those traits is “creative”, so I guess alot of artists and inventors are a little conflicted too.

As long as no one yells the F word or other insults or commands at me, I’m very gentle. Once that happens, they get hell unleashed on them and I make it clear that I am not to be insulted. Fortunately, only my sister (who is unmedicated bipolar) uses the F word on me and she knows better. My parents blame her, they tell her to go away and dont say anything to me. I look back at the hell I have endured from psychosis and I just dont find myself in the mood for accepting disrespect, I survived hell to come back stronger and in remission on medication.

I have a problem with authority, ever since I was a child I thought I should be the leader. My Myers-Briggs personality type, the INTJ, is basically oblivious to other leaders and only lets them lead if he considers them superior to himself. That’s what I do in social settings, if no one steps up to organize things, I immediately gather all of my friends together. I do acknowledge authority in my sport, powerlifting. I take ask for advice and supervision from the highest ranked lifters in my gym…because theyre better than me at lifting!