Sort of, but same old drawbacks -
Iām happy with person im going to be. But its an interesting question. Nothing and nobody is perfect. We constantly here the message to be perfect. When is is it good enough?
For me , Iām done with growing , I just wanna do things I enjoy. But I get it , that other peoples happiness is bound up with how stagnant they are.
I have no idea what Iām doing anymore lol. I want a echo friendly car and a house in the woods. Donāt even know if it attainable for me but maybe I should be working more on acceptance.
Do what you wanna do , everyone is different
Iām out of likes. Thanks!
I am getting to like the person that I am a little more each and everyday. Itās a growing process.
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Telepathy drives me mad. I cannot shake the belief in it no matter how hard I try. It just seems to explain so much of what I have experienced. I try to rationalise it in so many ways. That I am hearing residue of past thoughts, or itās a collective mind game being played that I am losing, something other-dimensional, spiritual, demonic - I could go on. I know itās crazy, but I canāt help indulge. It feels like theres a secret that the government doesnāt want citizens to know, and they use psychiatry to discredit those who can hear and see whats going on beneath the daily grind other people are conditioned into accepting.
Eventually youāll get tired of entertaining these things. Gotta live on the surface either way.
I know where youāre coming from though. It was unshakable for so long. If my psychosis were real though everyone already knows about telepathy and they just donāt talk about it. It has shaped their consciousness etcā¦
Itās not real though, never will be. Either because itās really not real or because the masses donāt want to acknowledge it.
i hate myself ive become resentful of everythingā¦
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no I basically hate life.
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Sorry to hear that.
Processing keeps us in symptoms.
Old age is quite different from anything I have experienced previously in my life. I like the old man I have become. I agree with the Buddhists about non-self. When you examine yourself closely, you can see there is no fixed quality that you can call a self. I wouldnāt say I was my personality. Maybe a bunch of moods. Different thinking states. Thereās a lot to regret in my life, a lot of failure. Iām just beginning to gain respect for my mind. I may have to begin doing things I should have done years ago to earn self respect. Some of you here on this forum have gained my respect for overcoming the difficulties inherent in having SZ. Iāve learned that a SZ mind is different from a normal mind. So I like the old man, but I donā't like the SZ.
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Iām the person that I always knew that I would be so I guess I am happy with that I could be worse.
Telepathy is still screwing with me on a daily basis though.
I am pretty sure itās not real though itās my defective brain trying to do me in.
Thatās how I feel sometimes but Iāve noticed that when I really believe that there is a good reason to hate myself I blame the world and hate everything in it.
And that leads to problems.
If they arenāt real my brain will make it up.
I just went through a hard time in my life and blamed myself for it so Iāve this delusion that I canāt shake.
When I ignore the delusion and pretty much everything and think happy thoughts I feel better.
I hope that you feel better man.
These forums have made me a better person. I appreciate it.
Yes, Iām happy with me. My mood is good all the time these days, I have a great outlook on life. Iām in the middle of recording my third contemporary classical album, and Iām very excited about that. I am involved in a lot of charity work and charitable giving too. Iām more involved with my family now than I ever have been in years, and weāre on great terms. My illness is doing great, as long as I stick around home, and I have the least symptoms that I have ever had in my life so far. And my psychiatric team is very happy with my progress. And my pet cats are more onery than ever. Canāt ask for more than that.
Itās ok Iām happy to be alive. Iāve just had it kind of rough,
Just in case anybody is curious as to why I have a psychiatric team, with nurses who come to my home every week, it is because the pdoc thinks that I am an extremely high suicide risk. He bases this on the fact that I have a history of a serious suicide attempt, many frequent suicidal ideations, diagnoses of borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia, and the relatively recent death of my son from suicide (4 years ago). All of these factors combined would lead him to believe that I am an extremely high suicide risk. He believes this, even though my mood is perfectly even and content and happy all the time and has been consistently for years. Ever since about the year 2005. I was only briefly suicidal at the time my son died, but got over it quickly with Celexa. If only my son had had this much care. But, alas, he wasnāt a veteran.